Feel so lost and all by myself

I just got back from TP to watch Fadly and the other drama crew with their malay society perform PENTAS WAYANG. U guys have done a great job. Even with all the fun, my mind was so lost and scared. My mum just told me that sis gonna give less money coz now she moving house. I am gonna take care of my parents now but I feel so depressed with the jobs out there left for me. I feel so unwanted and useless. Scared too with the future I have to face, I am responsible for my parents now, I feel so useless when I don't have a permanent job. I even don't go out( after a long time, today I go out) because i hate asking them for money( my fare, ez-link). When I go work, I don't even have money, I hate when I have to take my mum's money. I have money just nice for me to eat during work. Sometimes I would eat alone( make up an excuse to not go with my colleague) and buy a $1.05 choc with a drink ard $1 and sit to eat at 4th storey. Even the drama Fad have to pay for me. I feel so bad and miserable. Badly need a permanent job. Feel so lonely nowadays. Eventhough Fad is there, it feels sometime that his not there. He so far yet so much further now, I don't know what have I done to him that sometimes he be harsh to me. I am sorry if I hurt U in anyway Fad, I am really sorry. Whenever U put the phone down on me, my heart just sank deeper. I feel like I am drowning, calling U to help me out but U were not listening, leaving me to drown. Don't make me drown Fad. Stop putting down the phone on me, it hurts. Sorry I never tell U about what have happen in my house, I don't want to burden U more with my feelings, U were busy with drama, U'll be more stress. Please know thatI love U always. Please understand me

A whole lots of THANKS

First of all I would like to thank my dearest couz, KODA, who have turned 21 on 26th of April because she help me in putting dis songs up in my blog. Secondly, I would really want to thank SAZALI MASRAJI for coming into my life and coming out of it, thanks for leaving me. If it was't for U, I would not have met Fadly. Anybody knows him, please tell him I say thanks! Hey I am not being sarcastic k, Sazali. Anyway, I did know a lot of guys after U, Sazali, a lot that I can't remember most of them. I learn the meaning of friendship and keikhlasan hati by knowing this guys. These guys are scumbags, guys-who-go-for-looks, perverts, heartbreakers, liars, etc. But there is only a few that are still my friends till now, they are, Zahfran, Khair, Affiq and Shaifulnizam. I will like to thank them for being great friends and being fair to me, eventhough I am a girl. And how can I miss out Sunil, Reky, Michelle, Sasi and Ling Zhe? They were there when things get tough in school. Thanks guys! Sunil tat was such a funny testi U given me, I really appreciate it k. I will write to ya when I have plan what to write. People like Sharmila are precious friends, never make use of her please, she is there whenever U need her. Sue and Vic, U guys are so far away that I miss your laughter and hugs, U guys make me feel better everytime. Thanks. My secondary school mates in NPCC and ppl like Verinder, Nisah, Kristin, Richelle, Chewling, Poh Ling, Stevie, Novita, Feza and Diyana and many2 more. U guys shape my life into what I am today, I learn alot in sec school. My best friend, Fadzlina, eventhough U hurt me alot, I am still here for U k, please don't take me for granted, but then no matter how hard the situation is, U never have give up on our friendship, I appreciate that, U are not so ego if U think about it, U stop and think I try to change. Thanks for making me part of your life and a motivation for U to change. Along the way I have work in alot of places like JTC, PizzaHut and now Harvey Norman, thanks to U guys too ya! Thanks fadly, for loving me in all the way U can. U have change me into something that I never thought I can. U complete me. Eventhough we fight, part of me I know, U'll never give up. I have never love any guy like the way U do. Funny thing is, U are what I want in a guy, a childhood dream. A guy who cries for my happiness, a guy who take really good care of me with endless love, who knows and understand my physcho side. Thanks fad, I love U. My ever greatest Thanks will have to go to my God, Allah. He make me into what I am and has been guiding me through this endless struggle and taught me how to live. He never given up on me, the way I never given up on myself, He taught me how to. Because of Him, I have met this ppl I have mention earlier. Aku bersyukur bahawa segala yang berlaku, ada hikmah nye. Aku bersyukur, aku adalah aku.

*Don't ever judge a person by what she wear, a tudung is not to hide a sin but to realise our sins and try to change for the better. Don't ever think all that wear have a good heart, don't ever think that those don't wear have a bad heart. Same to say, not all wearing tudungs have a bad heart and not all not wearing tudungs have a good heart. Search yourself and your heart will tell your soul.

My exam results...

MODULE
CREDITUNIT
GRADE
ATTEMPT
REMARKS
ADVANCES IN GENOMICS
1.00
C

BIOINFORMATICS
1.50
D+

CURRENT GOOD MANUFACTURING PRACTICES
1.75
B+

DRUG DISCOVERY & DEVELOPMENT
1.75
C+

INDUSTRIAL ATTACHMENT
15.00
A+

INTEGRATED LABORATORY 1
2.00
C

LIFE SCIENCE SEMINAR SERIES
1.50
C

PROJECT PART 2
8.00
B+
I pass all yey!

Which Rock Chick am I?

Which Rock Chick Are You?

Why must be racist?

I don't get it still, why does this certain ppl want workers to speak mandarin when the country itself don't speak Chinese always. Called this clinic that needed clinic asst. but then when i say i want to enquire about the job, she was like, "Are U a Chinese?", then I say, "No.", then she say, "Sorry, the doctor prefer Chinese." And when she say that, she was being so arrogant and all. Is it the doctor or her who prefer Chinese? Why is it so unfair for us non-Chinese or non-Chinese speaking community have to suffer? Anyway, this country's national laguage is not Mandarin, its English. Stop making Mandarin Speaking Campaign when English itself is a national language, we still got to improve on that. I am not a racist but I am a victim of it. They say opening a casino is for creating jobs for the umemployed but do they think about we, Malay Muslims, who don't get the advantage, it is unfair enough that they want Chinese speaking or Chinese ppl to work, but then how about us? At least be reasonable if when U need a Chinese speaking or Chinese workers not like it's when U don't have a Chinese or Chinese speaking lady as a worker already. And Singapore is stressing about not being racial prejudice, and being equality and have Racial Harmony day? What is the point of all that if things like this is so unfair? Might as well put all Mother Tounge languages as Mandarin then, rite? Why do Singapore have to waste all that money to built 2 casinos when the tsunamis victims are still in need and some students(esp the non-Chinese) have financial problems? Actually if U really want a casino, it is okay to have 1 and only in Sentosa, but then now there is 2. There goes the lower crime rates. More loansharks will earn but then peace will slowly decrease. U will see more writings or vandalism on the walls or door, more stabbing or God knows, murder. This is all because of money. Why can't they use it for ALL the PEOPLE OF SINGAPORE benefit or something? Like produce more research labs to cure for AIDS or other diseases(Please think of SINAPOREANS and not mostly foreign talent), more schools for children to study and etc. Anyway the rules of us Diploma holders already in a certain course is not even able to get into NTU or NUS of related courses, why?, because they let the "clever" ones get into it. Isnt it a waste when that "clever " one can't cope that course and drop halfway because they don't have a basic foundation? Isn't it wasted that a person already possessing the basics of the related course in NTU/NUS but have to fly overseas to get degrees/PhD because no space for them in NTU/NUS? So Singapore talents most go to other countries becoming foreign talent and here, foreigners become the foreign talent. Wazzup with all this fuss?Get the idea? We need more Universities for us(SINGAPOREANS) to get a good job, not casinos!!! And stop acting as though there is no racial prejudice happening in Singapore. Sigh~ Sometimes it is sad that when U open the RECRUIT pg in Straits Times, U can't have a single job all because U can't speak Mandarin, and worse being said to the face that they prefer Chinese. Which doctor on earth don't know how to speak English? They are like Phd rite? Then how do they talk to their non-Chinese patients? Isn't this racist? What did we do to deserve this? (-.-)

No one really cares for me anymore

Do U have that moments when U think no one really bother about your existence in this world? U have no one to care for U in this world? U are not in others mind at all. U are just a spirit invisible in the eyes of ppl. Have U ever feel sad that U keep crying and tears won't stop flowing? Have U ever ask yourself, why ppl take U for granted. Do U have ppl who make use of U for their own benefits and later on ditch U and God knows, bitch about U? Are U one of them who make use of ppl? Well U SUCKS!!! U can go and die and get away from the planet Earth. U just hurt ppl like me who trying to be nice to everyone. U are hurting me and my friends who are your targets on. If you hurt me its quite ok but don't hurt my friends too, it hurts me more. Who are U really think U are huh? U think U are so great? Wait till its YOUR TURN! U'll see. Why do U have to make use of me and hurt me this way? No matter what I do and try to make U realised, U won't see and U just hurt me like this... I mean I can stand the pain and air u give me to make me cry and be low about myself but do U not see what I am trying to point at? Do U even realise why I am drifting from U? Do U have hurt me like this? AM I sensitive? Yes I AM but then U hurt me too far, I don't know what else to do. I just get away and far far away from everyone. Ppl who knows this position, they deny so and act as though they know none of this. U know what!!! GET BACK TO REALITY... This is life, U keep quiet about this, U are just one of this scumbags who make use of others for their own free will. I hate U suckerz!!! Stop patronizing the fragile ones, U BIATCH! This goes to those guys too. U know, guys are well-equipped too with this qualities, trust me. U know what guys, U ARE A BIATCH TOO!!! SUCKERZ.... *Bleukz* *Pooiiii*

'Sporting Parents'

My mum and dad brought me and Fad yesterday to JB. It was fun.Fad bought 6 vcds, The Cursed, The Eye 10, White Noise, Samara, Spanglish and Be Cool. We had a good laugh in the car, fad with his crazy antics and singing oldies songs. I really envy him, he can like talk to my dad and share about old songs, joke with one another. I just hope that won't died out. Does it mean that my parents are a bit piase(is dat how u spell it?), they can't be understanding? Does it mean that my mum wear 'tudung' like me that she can't be open and share things with me? Does it mean that my parents are like this that they are 'sporting'? Define 'sporting'! Anyway I brought Hanisah and Sharmila to day to Analakshmi to treat them, so called celebrating Nisah birthday and to treat Sharm who has been so nice to me. Bought this simple bracelet for Nisah, which to me looks cool, not too rugged and not to simple. We had like 2 meals there, we love their vadai and mango lassi( is dat how u spell it?). Me and Nisah went home taking 961 and we talk about all the things that we have missed out all this years. I STILL DON'T BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE NOT CLOSE NISAH. I am still bothered by that. It is weird that I feel sad for them. Although I am not in the group, it is very sad. All because of a guy this have to happen.

Kampong CDC

CDC- Communicable Disease Centre is a part of Tan Tock Seng hospital. I thought the place will be high class but then it was more like a chalet-like kind of kampong. My auntie was diagnosed with Dengue fever, so she was sent to CDC. She look better now. Anyway the place look so old that its canteen onli consists of 2 vending machines with 1 bench at an open space area. I should have taken a pic there. Damn! We went to Al Ameen after that. I still feel full now. Finish my exams yesterday so I am left with an external presentation. Didn't get to went out with my friends yesterday coz they are going out at night. Today they are going to watch movie and eat at Marche. I dunno when I will get to eat there. Sob sob... Here are some photos I took when we went to Al Ameen and after Al Ameen...



My mum giving me the face at Al Ameen...HAaha~



My crazy sister who thinks she is in Paris (actually we are in the car!)



My dad after eating at Al Ameen at home on the couch. HAhaha~~