Feel so lost and all by myself

I just got back from TP to watch Fadly and the other drama crew with their malay society perform PENTAS WAYANG. U guys have done a great job. Even with all the fun, my mind was so lost and scared. My mum just told me that sis gonna give less money coz now she moving house. I am gonna take care of my parents now but I feel so depressed with the jobs out there left for me. I feel so unwanted and useless. Scared too with the future I have to face, I am responsible for my parents now, I feel so useless when I don't have a permanent job. I even don't go out( after a long time, today I go out) because i hate asking them for money( my fare, ez-link). When I go work, I don't even have money, I hate when I have to take my mum's money. I have money just nice for me to eat during work. Sometimes I would eat alone( make up an excuse to not go with my colleague) and buy a $1.05 choc with a drink ard $1 and sit to eat at 4th storey. Even the drama Fad have to pay for me. I feel so bad and miserable. Badly need a permanent job. Feel so lonely nowadays. Eventhough Fad is there, it feels sometime that his not there. He so far yet so much further now, I don't know what have I done to him that sometimes he be harsh to me. I am sorry if I hurt U in anyway Fad, I am really sorry. Whenever U put the phone down on me, my heart just sank deeper. I feel like I am drowning, calling U to help me out but U were not listening, leaving me to drown. Don't make me drown Fad. Stop putting down the phone on me, it hurts. Sorry I never tell U about what have happen in my house, I don't want to burden U more with my feelings, U were busy with drama, U'll be more stress. Please know thatI love U always. Please understand me