Invitation

I stepped into the mosque with my quite sandy feet as I try to find a place to seat, I realised the old faces of people I have seen before. How much I want to feel the love of a grandmother, deprived childhood filled with sadness of depression. Do you call it depression? Am I not too young to feel it when I am at 6 or 7? Then again how can I deny the greatness of Allah. Nothing is impossible in this world and things happen for a reason. Problem with myself since young, thinking about how i look and sometimes that I don't belong in this society of people who only cares about talking bad about others and greediness about money and they only care about themselves. Human filled with imperfection, no wonder I keep feeling low about myself because I can't keep my own promises to myself.

What the ustaz say keep ringing in my ears that reflects what is troubling me all these years, I can't keep my prayers going on and on and making it a routine. Maybe I am trying too hard like what he say. It just make the satan more stronger to pull me out of that routine. Just one day the routine is stopped, it will be a long time that it will start back, somehow the daily activities pull me not to keep the routine. And that was the emptiness I am trying to stop and especially now that I have meet the one for me to build a stronger bond with all my life, I am sure of what I want, but my future seems uncertain. Somehow something is making the fear to build up and go out of control, enabling me to achieve what I want in life. So I am going to start when the day starts on its early prayers tomorrow. Please pray for me, this is my way to hapiness with Fadly.

My non-existence

Jump before me I fear to see
Fall away from the cracked glass window below
Thousands of shattered lifes left alone
It is so dark that it is nearly blinded by light
Faraway from dreams and goals I seek
Blurry vision of what ahead
Ignorance released without feelings of regrets
As we stroll down the streets we used to embark
Different yet familiar tears occur
Whatever! Whatever! Whatever! Whatever!
Anger in non-existence no more...
Step on me, washing the dirt off feet as they past by
Alone in the dark of light
Introspective insight of life with my non-existence
And the days continue...
Till its time.

Appreciation People

I didnt have the time for this... So I don't care!!! Here I go....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! "belated".... (in a sickening voice)

First I like to say thank you for all the people who call or msg me to say happy birthday on the 28th of February 2006. I am shocked that for this 21st birthday of mine is the most DEAD birthday I have.

BUT...

Sincerely, I didn't expect some that call, msg and sang for me, those that come all the way to under my block just to celebrate it with me, eventhough it is 2 days after my birthday, those that make my wishes come through by making my own t-shirt design for my birthday present, especially my family and Fad that celebrate it a few days before so that everybody can celebrate it together, and my colleague/friend with a sweet gift that I never expect it to be sooo sweet and a birthday treat at Seoul Garden by my long time friend... I am so happy eventhough part of me is sad that the people whom I expect to remember, didn't even appear or even wish a single belated birthday.

BUT... Nevertheless.... I am happy, ok la & part of it is like "whatever!!", because someone promise to give me a present for my birthday eventhough if she is in Australia, but then that is not important, I appreciate it if at least she remembers and wish me somehow...Guess I am forgotten, and forgotten, and forgotten, and forgotten... Haha! BUT... It is ok, I hope U are doing fine in Australia, study hard ok. I am serious I am ok... Haha!

I think turning 21 is like being rubbery and harmless and so like "whatever!!"... Because... I am not sure the reason why. It is like I am hurt but I tend to let it go so easily...

BUT...

When the pain accumulates and I am drowning of it, I think I will burst.Haha!

For now, words of thanks...

A very special thanks to Haizum and Nisah for calling me to say and sing happy birthday to me at the strike of 12 midnite,Khair for entertaining me online and messaging me on the strike of midnite, Joanne for messaging me and Hasinah for calling me when I am in a shop which she thought I am having a party. I didn't have a party my dear. Sob sob...

And thanks for the gifts...

Fad, thanks for the cool blouse U gave me, it is our favourite colour.

Dad, thanks for the $50, I need it to buy my supplies of make-up.

Mom, thanks for the food U make for me for my birthday and the sandwiches U make for lunch at work. And... "that" stuffs too...

Sis and bro-in-law, thanks for the cute sandal and cool body-shop spring orchird package.

Bro and sis-in-law, thanks for the Adidas bag, I need one.

Khair, thanks for the Dream Theater T-shirt and the long-sleeve with my design on it.

Nisah & Feza, thanks for the superb cake U bring over under my block.



Umah, thanks for the sweetest gift I have in years, a love shaped silver necklace.

Fadzlina, thanks for the treat at Seoul Garden, it was scrumpulicious...(is there such a word?)

My Auntie, thanks for the $10, it is a top-up to my make-up supplies. Haha!

And yet I am more happier... My cousin got engaged, and guess who was the photographer??


ME!!! I am the one responsible for this...

So... Who want to hire me for their wedding? HEhee...