Cinta Ku Sejati ( My love is forever... )
Nobody really knows what have I gone through in life, the people I have met and shaped my life, the things that thought me how to carry all these on my shoulder and the strength that keep me going. Now I shall reveal it. It doesn't matter who may read this.
I think the biggest turning pt in my life is when I got to know Sazali, not because it was a very nice memory but then it thought me things that make me into me today. Sazali was my first love, I never felt love before but then when I met him, I have changed and learn to love myself and love someone and be happy. Well, I am sure you will have questions like, "what happen to him?", or, "why things didn't work out?". That you have to ask him. I have loved him and trusted him but then one fine day, he reveal his true self. He have another person in his life before I came, he said that having me in his life was such a fairy tale and wanted to tell our future children of how we met (this he told me before he tell me the truth). He said that the other person in his life really want to change and having a heart attack, she really needs him. So dramatic huh... Well, when I think of it now and even a long time ago, I know that he is lying. Nevertheless, I know that what he have told me before about us being together and loving me and caring for me, was all true. He was just confuse because the person that he have known before(or Allah knows maybe she is after me), is his reality but then with me was his fantasy. He have always wanted a girl like me but then because of reality I believed that there is no future in me with him. I remember that he told me I should learn to make friends more with guys and that I will learn about love after a while. And I did. Eventhough he have hurt me, but then I am thankful that Allah make him leave me and gave me Fadly.
But then the moments when Sazali was gone and Fadly haven't come into my life, those were the most hardest moment of my life. It took me around 2+ years to really get rid of the hurt and pain Sazali have left me with. But I realised that I was a better person when he left. I went into chatrooms and get to know alot of guys, but then my intentions were not to find someone but finding my true self. I wanted to make friends and touch people's lives, instead along the way in that 2+ years, I was judged and even tested by Allah about my patience to find the right friend, I did in my heart wish that I would find the guy that I have been wanting to meet. The only guy friends that I have till now that I have benefitted from these chatrooms/Anakmelayu are Md Khair and Nur Zahfran. After around 2 years, I met Zahfran on Hari Raye 2005... Haha... I have another friend, Zaki, or Zack, got my no. from his friend, been friends with him for 2+ years, learn alot about guys and life from him too. Other than these guys, there are a few others including gals that I have touch their life, I hope they remember me, coz I don't. Hahaha... Sorry dudes and duddettes! During this 2 years, I have a realtionship with a guy call Fadil, he was so patient with my insecure self but then he was not that patient to heal me, and he is not the one. For your info, Md Khair and Zahfran, I have known in Anak Melayu and so is Fadly. I didn't realise that Fadly was my friend in Anak Melayu till he gave me his email add in MIRC.
Here is the story of my true happiness. I was online in IRC Melayu chatroom, was joking with my normal chat pals, can't remember their nicks, suddenly, 'Breakme' came into the chatroom, everybody knows him and we all ended up talking about love and looks. I and Breakme(Fadly) was also private messenging, we exchange email adds so that we can chat on MSN, that is when I realised that he was my Anak Melayu friend, that I have known quite a while, though we don't talk much online in Anak Melayu. Everytime from that day, if I am online, Fadly will always approached me in MSN the moment I entered. I don't have any feelings for him that time, was actually on the verge of being with another guy named, Ali. Weird guy, he give me hopes of being with him but then I know that if I were to be with him, I won't feel secure, coz eventhough when we were still friends, I can already feel it. Fadly gave me an sms one day, and he said in the message, to forget Ali and why not be with him. I was shocked, I called him and laugh but then, he was silent, I can hear him cry softly and mummuring that he doesn't want the same things to happen. That was the time when suddenly it hits me. I realised that I have always been jealous when he was too busy chatting with other gals online(I know when he reply late on MSN), and that small fights that we have about Ali that was so obvious Fadly was jealous and when I miss him because unable to log in to the internet to see him online(as I was using dial-up last time). All that just come to me. He put down the phone on me, I cried, get to him back and asked him whether was it true. He diverted all the questions.I was thinking about him from then on, I changed my no. and lose contact with Ali. I told Fadly about how I feel when I cannot hold it anymore, he said that he was scared that things won't work out well as he thought when he sms me last time, thats the reason why he diverted those questions. He is scared of telling a gal how he feel as he have failed alot in relationships, but then I assured him, I am different, and I understand. So it doesn't kill for gals to tell first. Well, he kinda tell me about it first but then I am the first to say and express how I feel. He heal me patiently, clear most of my insecurities and make my wish come true. Ali was trying to find me after I am already with Fadly, in MIRC, so weird that he will go all that far to private msg everyone online in Melayu to ask about me. How I know? My cousin was online. Ali have seen me before in geylang Serai, seen him from far, don't think things will work out for us, he is too mysterious for me.
Because of Sazali these things happened to me, so there is always a reason when there is hardship, because now and I hope, insyaAllah, in the future will always be by Fadly's side. In life, always be patient and improve yourself, along the way you be granted for what you wish for and learn more things about yourself. For now Alhamdulillah syukur for what I have....
I think the biggest turning pt in my life is when I got to know Sazali, not because it was a very nice memory but then it thought me things that make me into me today. Sazali was my first love, I never felt love before but then when I met him, I have changed and learn to love myself and love someone and be happy. Well, I am sure you will have questions like, "what happen to him?", or, "why things didn't work out?". That you have to ask him. I have loved him and trusted him but then one fine day, he reveal his true self. He have another person in his life before I came, he said that having me in his life was such a fairy tale and wanted to tell our future children of how we met (this he told me before he tell me the truth). He said that the other person in his life really want to change and having a heart attack, she really needs him. So dramatic huh... Well, when I think of it now and even a long time ago, I know that he is lying. Nevertheless, I know that what he have told me before about us being together and loving me and caring for me, was all true. He was just confuse because the person that he have known before(or Allah knows maybe she is after me), is his reality but then with me was his fantasy. He have always wanted a girl like me but then because of reality I believed that there is no future in me with him. I remember that he told me I should learn to make friends more with guys and that I will learn about love after a while. And I did. Eventhough he have hurt me, but then I am thankful that Allah make him leave me and gave me Fadly.
But then the moments when Sazali was gone and Fadly haven't come into my life, those were the most hardest moment of my life. It took me around 2+ years to really get rid of the hurt and pain Sazali have left me with. But I realised that I was a better person when he left. I went into chatrooms and get to know alot of guys, but then my intentions were not to find someone but finding my true self. I wanted to make friends and touch people's lives, instead along the way in that 2+ years, I was judged and even tested by Allah about my patience to find the right friend, I did in my heart wish that I would find the guy that I have been wanting to meet. The only guy friends that I have till now that I have benefitted from these chatrooms/Anakmelayu are Md Khair and Nur Zahfran. After around 2 years, I met Zahfran on Hari Raye 2005... Haha... I have another friend, Zaki, or Zack, got my no. from his friend, been friends with him for 2+ years, learn alot about guys and life from him too. Other than these guys, there are a few others including gals that I have touch their life, I hope they remember me, coz I don't. Hahaha... Sorry dudes and duddettes! During this 2 years, I have a realtionship with a guy call Fadil, he was so patient with my insecure self but then he was not that patient to heal me, and he is not the one. For your info, Md Khair and Zahfran, I have known in Anak Melayu and so is Fadly. I didn't realise that Fadly was my friend in Anak Melayu till he gave me his email add in MIRC.
Here is the story of my true happiness. I was online in IRC Melayu chatroom, was joking with my normal chat pals, can't remember their nicks, suddenly, 'Breakme' came into the chatroom, everybody knows him and we all ended up talking about love and looks. I and Breakme(Fadly) was also private messenging, we exchange email adds so that we can chat on MSN, that is when I realised that he was my Anak Melayu friend, that I have known quite a while, though we don't talk much online in Anak Melayu. Everytime from that day, if I am online, Fadly will always approached me in MSN the moment I entered. I don't have any feelings for him that time, was actually on the verge of being with another guy named, Ali. Weird guy, he give me hopes of being with him but then I know that if I were to be with him, I won't feel secure, coz eventhough when we were still friends, I can already feel it. Fadly gave me an sms one day, and he said in the message, to forget Ali and why not be with him. I was shocked, I called him and laugh but then, he was silent, I can hear him cry softly and mummuring that he doesn't want the same things to happen. That was the time when suddenly it hits me. I realised that I have always been jealous when he was too busy chatting with other gals online(I know when he reply late on MSN), and that small fights that we have about Ali that was so obvious Fadly was jealous and when I miss him because unable to log in to the internet to see him online(as I was using dial-up last time). All that just come to me. He put down the phone on me, I cried, get to him back and asked him whether was it true. He diverted all the questions.I was thinking about him from then on, I changed my no. and lose contact with Ali. I told Fadly about how I feel when I cannot hold it anymore, he said that he was scared that things won't work out well as he thought when he sms me last time, thats the reason why he diverted those questions. He is scared of telling a gal how he feel as he have failed alot in relationships, but then I assured him, I am different, and I understand. So it doesn't kill for gals to tell first. Well, he kinda tell me about it first but then I am the first to say and express how I feel. He heal me patiently, clear most of my insecurities and make my wish come true. Ali was trying to find me after I am already with Fadly, in MIRC, so weird that he will go all that far to private msg everyone online in Melayu to ask about me. How I know? My cousin was online. Ali have seen me before in geylang Serai, seen him from far, don't think things will work out for us, he is too mysterious for me.
Because of Sazali these things happened to me, so there is always a reason when there is hardship, because now and I hope, insyaAllah, in the future will always be by Fadly's side. In life, always be patient and improve yourself, along the way you be granted for what you wish for and learn more things about yourself. For now Alhamdulillah syukur for what I have....
posted by AzurAso'oD at 1:58 AM
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