Stream of Consciousness

Work it out!

2012-01-10T14:18:00.000-08:00

Life have not change much... work... work... work... bleurgh!! Seriously I forgive all those who probably done bad to me, I just couldn't be bothered about it anymore... I think I am immune to it... Recently I when to Hang Ten and saw sesame street shirts, so I ask whats the biggest size male shirt they have to an auntie working there... She said, " Aiyo... Your size cannot fit lor.." and Jiahui look so piss. I was laughing lah! If I was a mystery shopper, fail her for her customer service, seriously I didn't even mention it is for me la dey! but i forgive U auntie, I have too much love to fit into a sesame street shirt... HAhaha!! My main intention of Zumba-ing is to keep fit, maybe lose some perhaps... With the pace I am going... maybe need 10 years... ZUMBA rox by the way! I think not only its losing the carbs but also stimulating the inner strength or confidence... Anyway, Zumba is a mix of latin, salsa, cha cha, belly dancing, hip hop, reggaeton etc. Try it... U love it!

Drained

2009-10-01T23:36:00.000-07:00

I am so drained. As we keep working, we lose bits of ourselves along the way. When will I revive from this meltdown...

Holiday, i need a holiday!!!

A reason, a season or a lifetime?

2008-07-09T20:26:00.000-07:00

At this point of time in my life, I wonder who are those friends that comes as a reason or those come in a season or that stay forever in my lifetime. I am going to be in another phase of life in another 7 months time. Wonder who are those that are sincerely happy for me and Fadly. Sometimes it hurts when somebody will ask, "How you and Fadly?" and give a pathetic face like as though waiting for us to end. Sometimes I just get away to withdraw myself from the pain they put on me. Like what my sis say, "What for you continue to be friends with people who don't care for you and just hurt you, its like making yourself miserable".

Now that our wedding is near, I can break up the memories of my life according to different phase of life. I am more clear of whatever that has happened for the past 23 years of my life, probably it gets even clearer as I grow older. I realised certain things happened for something else to come. I regret about certain things but I am grateful that I regret and learn so I am here writing this. If Allah wants me to realise these reason, season and lifetime friends and so He put me in this confusion situation, I am very grateful.

Here is a great quote I found for woman who just fall out of love.

IF HE IS STUPID ENOUGH TO WALK AWAY, BE SMART ENOUGH TO LET HIM GO...

Friendship

2008-05-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

There are 3 kind of friendship, they come either for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Photos long forgotten to upload...Here it is!

2008-05-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

Meet up with Umah and had a wonderful time at Swensens quite some time back. We ate dessert, which was left to nothing.

After we went to watch Step Up 2 the streets... They really should renovate the ceiling before it collapse to my head, and the seats are too high for me to see, dammit!

This is the warm chocolate cake Fad and I ate in Plaza Singapura before we watched 'Jumper' for free, thanks to my sister for getting the tickets. Its like a birthday treat for both of us. The whole theatre was filled with SMU staffs, I feel so small.

These are the photos taken on the eve of my birthday, which was also the day Mas Selamat escaped from prison, so su-ay! Thank you to my aunties, uncle, cuzzies, future mum and dad in laws and my dearie Fadly for coming... I took like 2 days off for this birthday bash at Aloha Loyang, it was worth to take 2 days off eventhough some stuffs screwed up at work without me around. Thank you sis and sis-in-law for the wonderful cakes you guys bought, only managed to get the brownies, cupcakes was gone and I have already cut the cake. Here are the photos...

Thanks mum for getting ready all the food for us to eat...

My dad and Iqbal, the new addition to my family going for swimming. Hehe

Here we are at Honda showroom. Honda has always been my dad's favourite so it is not shocking that he will do anything for it.

Dad, you took my dream car.

Yesterday went to M.A.C for Diyana makeover/birthday treat. Didn't took any photos, my hands was trembling, so cold there and my fever was running high. The makeover was abit glamorous for normal occassions, but it was ok. After that she got $120 to shop in M.A.C and get whatever she wants. We ate at Breeks, my throat was so sore that I didn't have the appetite to finished up my Barbecued Chicken with Cheese sandwich, so not me! Breeks has always been a food haven for me and Umah. I need to rush back to Woodlands where my parents were waiting for me. So sorry if I spoil your birthday treat, Diyana, but seriously you guys do not need to send me to the mrt station and just carry on chatting while eating. I feel so guilty by then. We bid goodbye at MRT station. They are off for karaoke session while I went off to Woodlands. My head was piping hot by the time I got to Marina Bay, I really felt like fainting. I was late so I told my parents to go without me. The whole night I was in bed with a high fever, i ate apple at 2am and another dose of fever, flu and cough medicine. After all that, I think it was worth all the pain and effort.

Personality Test

2008-05-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

Got this personality test from Feza's blog, I think it really gives perfect personality review on us.

You are an EXPLORER / builder
You have a great deal of vitality. You are curious, imaginative and resilient. And you find pleasure in doing and thinking about all sorts of things and ideas, often at the same time. You tend to be optimistic, seeing the world as a place of adventure. You seek first-hand experiences. And when you embark on a project or expedition, you like to be organized, thorough and responsible. You are firmly grounded in reality and live in the here and now. You stand up for your beliefs. And you have a sympathetic and spiritual side that adds warmth and depth to your being. In spite of your search for novelty, you have a genuine respect for home, family, work and community. You are conscientious and dependable. Yet you occasionally surprise those whom you love with generous presents. You generally enjoy life. You have a keen sense of humor. And because you are broad-minded, flexible and playful, you can be a wonderful friend.

LOVE DON'T WALK AWAY, PEOPLE DO.

2008-04-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

Focus on the heading of this post carefully. There are different meanings and situations to use for this phrase. Example:

1) When a guy/gal thinks he/she is not in love with their partner anymore, they decided to end the relationship and so they walk away. But they do not realise that it is their decision but not his/her love for the partner, thus, love don't know how to walk away, people do. Resulting in these people to regret.

2) A guy/gal give excuses that they cannot go on with the relationship with you instead of enduring all the way to keep the love strong, most probably meant that he/she don't even love you in the first place. So they walk away, there is no love here because love don't walk away.

3) You have a decision to make. You only have 2 choices. One of it is to study abroad leaving your family and friends, while the other is to stay in Singapore and stuck with the qualification you have. If it is the first choice, it is not wrong. In this situation, you are walking away from the people you love for only a moment, but your love will stay with them, it won't walk away with you.

4) One day, your partner made a mistake and feels low about himself/herself, your partner thinks that he/she is not the right one for you. He/She believes that you deserve a better person so he/she told you that there is no future for both of you. You cried and walk away, but then even if you do, your love in his/her heart never walk away. That is why your partner still holds on to you, because love don't walk away.

This phrase probably applies to many people in the world. And maybe, there are a diversity of meanings to it for them... One thing I am sure of, all of us have felt this feeling before.

For those who are confuse to what they are feeling for their partners...

2008-04-15T15:16:00.000-07:00

There are alot of things in life that trigger us to do things that we regret or do not wish to do to our love ones. Some people say it is probably the right thing and some people blame it on FATE. I wish to take this opportunity to say, U guys are crap! Do not blame it on fate or reality or even God.

It takes YOU to make the decision to go through the pain, love and sufferings with your love ones in the end. God is just twisting your love/life story to see what you will decide or do for the LOVE to lasts, if what you have decide to do follow his path, InsyaAllah with alot of patience things will work out well BUT if you decide to end it or "over-indulge in life", then do not blame FATE or God, it is your choice!

What is the meaning of "over-indulge in life"? It means you keep giving yourself time to waste on unnecessary things here that you have forgotten your main purpose in life here on earth. You do not spare much thought for your love ones and only think by only your own perspective. Because you want to enjoy your so called "life", you let go or "switch off" certain important things/people in your life. You talk about unnecessary things that produce empty messages to your love ones and worse, some words just hurt them, but still YOU are blinded by wanting to live in your so called "life". You only focus is to get the best out of your "life".

People say make the best of your life, but that doesn't mean you should only think of yourself in the picture, the best doesn't mean it is for you, but it is for your life... You don't own the body you have now, He do. You can't expect to run away from problems just by laughing it off with some friends, you have to face it and try to change the situation. Think about what is your priority in life, if you say it is money, think again! Money is just an important asset, when you die it means nothing to you.

In every religion they believe in karma, so whatever bad things you might have done, watch out! Bad doesn't have to mean that you have to steal or kill someone, the most simplest bad is, not realising how important the one who loves you are and disregard them. This is a fair world, there are equal sufferings and love to go around but it is up to US to choose what to do that produces these outcomes.

I think by now some people might have questions to what does the heading got to do with what I am saying. When you "over-indulge" in life and trying to get the best out of your "life", you are confuse with the feelings for your gf or bf or even family and friends, you think that you no longer need them and that you are happy to get what YOU want. This is when God will decide what FATE that shall come upon you for that decision...

I hope these words make YOU understand...

I am lost in myself

2008-04-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

Have U ever sometimes feel soooo tired of working or certain things in life that there is nothing U can do to make yourself happy? Have U ever sometimes put soo much effort but in the end stress yourself up and screw up the whole matter? Have U ever sometimes stare into thin air and cannot wake yourself up from that moment?

At these period of time where things just went utterly wrong with myself, for example:

Music or any song cannot improve my mood. (while on the way to work or going home from work)

Swimming. (Make me feel happy just for a while)

Food just seems tasteless and I feel so tired of eating. (This is so not me)

Feel so damn sick and tired to dress up. (I am a shaggy-do-da-de nowadays)

TV seems boring and only CSI excites me. (Is it me or is it the TV)

Now I think I need some fresh air and go somewhere I can just escape from reality = sleep.

What I have been up to...

2007-12-19T01:43:00.000-08:00

Hmm I think it is time I update photos... I managed to meet up with my ex-colleague during the fasting month. Here are the long awaited photos:

Didn't snapped much pictures during Hari Raya. Just 2 here:

In Deepavali, got to eat strawberries dipped with chocolate fondue and chicken curry at Sunil's house. Get to meet up with Sunil, Hasinah, Timothy, Gabriel and Zijun. Here is a picture of Sunil holding a bus hand grip that tore in the bus a few years back when we were still in poly:

In November we went to Jurong Bird Park for PUB Family Day 2007:

And recently, Dad was given a National Day Award by the president for his long service award:

For now, I am just waiting for the time to meet up with my friends, been always busy with weddings, family outings and swimming. Still haven't find 'kakis' for swimming yet, anyone interested? Enjoy the festive seasons for now!

How?

2007-11-27T14:41:00.000-08:00

I feel awkward. I feel like giving up all of this. I feel betrayed. For years I have been trying to put it together but then it remains the same. My help makes no sense, my presence just don't exist. Don't think I can trust anyone too. I don't understand and how to stop all this. It is like a walking drama that goes on all our life and acting as though nothing is happening, worst still, it seems I am the only one worried about it. Perhaps, I am the problem. I should get out of all this mess for the sake of others. Not sure whether this is the right thing but all I can do is to do what is best for others.

I feel tired though trying to put things together. No one knows. If they know perhaps they still do not care, just trying to catch up with the human issues all the time. I refused to be a part of hypocritical issues. It is just not me. I want to do what is right and get it done and over with. Simply hate dragging on and acting like nothing is happening. My life seems meaningless if it consists of a stage drama, only filled with laughter and joy. How about tears, sadness and compassion? Isn't that how we learn to value happiness too? I cannot go on this way. I have done my part. Enough actions, it is time for me to leave.

Goodbye, "friends".

Sempena Hari Raye Ini

2007-10-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

Hari raya tahun ini, tidak semeriah dari tahun-tahun yg lalu. Ramai yg telah kembali kepadanya, meninggalkan kami. Walaupun aku tidak mengenali mereka tetapi dapat ku rasakan pilunya untuk keluarga menerima. Bila-bila sahaja Allah boleh mengambil nyawa seorang manusia. Mungkin Allah amat menyayangi mereka kerana itulah ajal menimpa.

Apabila ku teringat tentang kisah hari pertama bulan Ramadhan masa ku berumur 16 tahun, ku sedar betapa singkatnya masa kita di dunia.

Hujan turun dengan lebat dan diiringi dengan petir selepas sahaja Atok(nenek) ku menghembuskan nafas nya yg terakhir. Ia nya seperti mencurahkan airmata dari langit ke bumi. Aku berada di sekolah untuk mengendalikan satu kem NPCC pada masa itu, selepas waktu maghrib baru aku dibawa pulang. Aku berasa sangat kesal. Kalau aku tahu, akan ku dakap atok(nenek) pada hari sebelum dia meninggalkan kami. Semasa aku sedang menyiapkan barang untuk pulang, banyak perkara ganjil berlaku. Dapat ku rasakan kehadiran seseorang di dalam kelas, tempat kami tidur. Mungkin atok(nenek) ikut bersama mereka untuk membawa ku pulang, hati ku berbisik. Apabila sampai saja di tingkat satu, baru perasaan itu hilang. Pemergian nya pada hari pertama bulan Ramadhan akan selalu ku kenang sampai bila-bila. Kerana padaku, itulah permulaan satu kedewasaan untuk ku. Aku kenal dengan erti pemergian.

Kehidupan penuh dengan pemergian seseorang. Ada yg meninggalkan dunia ini dan ada yg datang dan pergi dalam kehidupan kita. Dan ada pula yg terus lenyap dalam kehidupan mereka sendiri. Allah maha penyayang dan adil, kerana itulah ada hikmah sebalik setiap macam pemergian.

Terima kasih atok(nenek).

Pada saudara-mara, sahabat handai dan kawan-kawan, maafkan lah kesilapan ku yg lalu, maafkan lah aku jika ada menyinggung perasaan mu dan halal kan lah makan minum ku.

Eid Mubarak all muslim friends!!!

Musical & Me

2007-09-16T00:53:00.000-07:00

Am I hiding from my real self?

After watching 'Hairspray', I have realised, I miss those days. Nowadays kids might sing to Hi5 or Barney, but when I was young we used to dance and sing to certain old musicals like, 'The sound of music', 'Polly', 'The King and I' and 'Mary Poppins' etc. Maybe my sister might remember. There were other musicals, which I can't remember whats the title. Julie Andrews is a legend.

And when I am reaching puberty, I love romantic musicals by Cliff Richard and John Travolta. 'Hairspray' main actress, Nikki Blonsky sure reminds me of myself, the only difference is, unlike her, I have forgotten my love for Musicals. I love musical because it brings the story out and bring an enthusiastic feeling for me to watch even more, like old Hindustan movies. Thanks Fad, you make me realise the craziness I have lost. Now I am back again.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

2007-08-27T06:46:00.000-07:00

The words below are by my friend, Diyana, I have pasted it here because I think it is very meaningful. I think it is what all of us think. We can never can be too sure of certain friends.

"Not all friends are worth keeping. Some are simply your "hi bye" friends, some are your "good" turn "bad" friends, some are just your random online friends some are the kind of friends you hide away from when you see them outside school or your workplace while others are just pretending to be your friends. You can never be too sure of a person's character despite knowing him or her for the longest time. There's always something more to that person, some part of him or her that you have not discovered yet."

"I'm therefore not surprised if someone I know turned out to be doing something which is very unexpected of him or her. Some friendships are put to the test by factors like distance and some by time. Others, are tested perhaps quite severely in ways you wouldn't want to imagine and this is when you will get to unravel how much that person honestly values his or her friendship.Not every friend can fit in the comfort spot in my heart. Sometimes, I can't help but feel so guarded when I'm around a certain group of people but around others, I can truly be myself. Thus, I don't expect to engage meaningful relationships with every friend that have crossed my path. Personally, I don't have dozens of friends but I do have a handful of close friends that I treasure with all my heart and hope to keep for the rest of my life. The number of friends I have doesn't hold a significant meaning in my life but the number of friends I can count on is what really matters."

It is a scary world. That is why it's hard for me to trust someone as a friend. Therefore, I am a very difficult friend to be friend with. I am highly sensitive and have a very good instinct when it comes to people who lie or doesn't like my presence. Between this good instinct and sensitivity, sometimes I might get myself confuse. For now, I will just do whatever I could as far as I could breathe. Sometimes I remained silence because I am scared if I was actually not regarded as a friend, a true friend. But I know why I have certain types of friends, so that I can really value life. Haiz... no matter what friends, I don't mind anymore, as long as they remember me and I treat them good.

Eat and Be Merry

2007-06-20T23:27:00.000-07:00

I am in the Biology lab now, only God knows how bored I am. It is okay since tomorrow is Friday. Hehe... Eat and be merry? Hmm more like eat, I be more fat later. Sigh... Why do teachers love to eat? And worse, they bring U along... But good though, free food. I hope things will be fine when school re-open. Scared a bit. Here is a couple of love quotes I got from this website, http://www.heartquotes.net/Love.html. Enjoy! Some are funny... Haha!

Julie Marie
Love is the best medicine, and there is more than enough to go around once you open your heart. (I agree)

Vipin Sharma
Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you. (But this is hard to do if the person really hate us)

Jason Jordan
True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. ( I agree to this!)

Jason Jordan
Love is fire. But whether it's gonna warm your heart or burn your house down you can never tell. ( So dangerous, like 'Dangerously in Love')

Igor Stravinsky
In order to create there must be a dynamic force, and what force is more potent than love? (Like Chemistry)

Unknown
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. (Reminds me of a friend)

Dinah Shore
Trouble is part of your life — if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough. (Depends if the one U love want to listen)

K Knight
True love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending. (TRUE!)

Mae West
Loves conquers all things except poverty and toothache. (So TRUE!)

Barbara Johnson
Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. (All of us should learn from this)

Unknown love quote
The secret of love is seeking variety in your life together, and never letting routine chords dull the melody of your romance. (All of us should practice this)

Daisaku Ikeda
With love and patience, nothing is impossible. (Yup!)

Unknown love quote
Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give — which is everything. (Most of us are like this, its hard, we should practice)

Unknown love quote
Love is not blind, it sees more not less;But because it sees more it chooses to see less. (yup...)

Kranji Resurrection on 26th of May 2007

2007-05-28T08:37:00.000-07:00

Here the pictures of our Kranji trip...

Kranji Reservoir

The jetty of Kranji Reservoir

My childhood lies here...

Walking around the reservoir...

Anyway, check out this new cool Eosin Methylene Blue Agar from Merck...

I just have to show this... Hehe so beautiful...

HSC and Me

2007-05-17T04:56:00.001-07:00

My last day will be this 8th June. I am going to miss lotsa things/people in HSC. I hope that most people who know me, will remember who build this Microbiology Lab up to where it is now.

Petri Dish, innoculating loops, spreader, spirit lamp, autoclave bags, Micro-pipette, pipette tips, membrane filter, Micro-filter, TPC, PDA, EMB, Graim stain set, Microscope, NaOH ampoules, pH meter, refractometer, the Laminar Hood, incubators, oven, magnetic stirrer, Whirl-Pak, autoclave tapes, parafilm, forceps, vacuum pump, autoclave machine, pipette gun and my trusted trolley, I will miss you guys. I still remember the first time when I have ordered and touched you, how happy I was to be given a chance to change the old lab into a well-equipped Microbiology lab. Even if I was stressed up with my pathetic manager who don't know a single thing about Mibrobiology, you guys were there for me, to calm me down and tell myself how much have I learn to take charge of my own lab. This is a blessing in disguise, all that patience pull me through.

I will miss the friends I have made in HSC. Humble, simple, loving and caring people I have met, I am glad I have made this journey through life. There will be more pictures of my HSC Microbiology lab next time...This is what I have been doing in HSC for the past 1 year and 5 months.

The Fellow Musketeers... (Remember whatever I have taught U guys k, I am not there to remind U...)

The one who smells in the lab... (I won't forget the first time I wash U)

Eosin Methylene Blue Agar... (No E.coli from U even after I leave ok)

My hair sticking to the laminar hood while teaching Microbial Test... (Won't forget the things I do inside U)

Hope HSC will one day be a well established company with lots of prosperity and be the most famous local company producing drinks with advanced technology labs... I hope.

Dedicated for U, Umah.

2007-05-11T21:33:00.000-07:00

On the 5th of May I met up with Umah for shopping and eating out... It has been a long time since we indulged ourselves with chocolates like how we used to in HSC. But now that Umah no longer here in HSC(me too, soon!), it seems different without her. The stupid and lame jokes we have for those fellow mental patients we have at work, those sitting down and just talking about life, those window shopping of our favourite CONVERSE shoes and Puma bags, those things about 'Hot Mama', those same hate for people who are mean, those 'nice' conversations about getting out of HSC... I miss you, Umah!

We went to Indulge Patissorie at Arab Street, and try the Saleha and Fir... Not that nice actually... Ooops.... Sweet for my Sweets program was being too over-reacting.

Here is Umah's hand, since I can't take her picture, her hand also can lah... Hehe...

I hope that we won't forget one another after switching new jobs. If not I will lose one friend who can be there for me when I am sad and motivates me to see the positive side of life. Sob... Sob...

Dilemma

2007-05-11T04:33:00.001-07:00

In this 1 year plus that I have been working with HSC, been trying hard to get into government sector. But then now, I have offered into MOE as TSO, and now PUB wants me to go for Medical Check-up. That shows I just have to pass the medical check-up and i can get into PUB as a TO. What should I do? I am in a confuse state... Haiz... Help anyone...

The confession

2007-04-29T05:51:00.001-07:00

I was wrong to tell everything that they needed to know. But out of all that thinking, I rather tell the truth then lie about it. I can't keep this in my head, it just slowly kills me. You have managed to get rid of me, congratulations.

I hope things will be better for them. They are meant to be with one another, I am just temporarily there to ease the pain they have went through. I should have realised this in the first place. I was just out of the picture, observing and being there when needed. Allah have plans for me, testing me with everything that is precious in my life, I have accepted the consequences. I know life will be different now, maybe not for them, but for me. I am aware of all the things that are going to be thrown at me, all because I did not lie. Maybe Allah make me came back into their lives to help them get back together again. Probably with me around, they have realised that they are missing each other.

Is lying a good thing? I am not sure, maybe because I just can't stand lies that is why I can't lie. I can't run away from my problems, I rather face it and settle it. In time, the truth will be out, I leave it all to Allah, I think I have said enough already and done my part as a friend. Should I say more, things will be just complicated and I will be blamed. I can't stop you anymore, you should learn to stop yourself.

In the meantime, I just focus on the other parts of my life where I can ammend.

Diri Mu Sepi

2007-04-19T09:49:00.001-07:00

Dapat ku dengarkan kata-kata yang mengeji ku
Jeritan penuh dengan kebiasaan diri mu
Mata mu tajam merenung diri ini sambil tertawa
Sangat konfiden pemikiran mu
Betapa seksa hati ini untuk tawakan diri sendiri
Tiada siapa yang tahu
Pertarungan ini memang sudah lama sekali
Mempertahankan keperibadian ku
Mungkin belum masanya difahamkan lagi
Doa ku akan selalu di sisi mu
Agar kamu dapat mengenali isi hati diri mu yang sepi.

Don't get lost...

2007-04-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

Many times in our life where we are unsure of doing what we should do. When we think about it now, life seems so messy and full of struggles. From every struggle, actually, we learned something new, move on with a humble heart and be more careful.

We met new friends who might seem cool or nice to us but then was actually talking bad things or criticising us. We were fooled by guys who claimed that they love us and only us. We were stupid enough to use wrong skin products. We trust people who we were not supposed to trust too much. We allowed others to make ourselves feel inferior. We let others hurt us. We cried over people who don't really care about us. We made our parents disappointed. We think too much about simple matters. We give up on things that we actually could have done better. We hurt others who care for us. We show our temper tantrum to others. We kept things to ourselves too much. We have done things that we have regretted.

BUT when life seems so perfect, we tend to get lost. We forget who we are and what is right or wrong. Maybe struggles happen for a reason, so that we will never lose our way and be ignorance, snobbish, selfish or lost. Once a while, we will get strayed away from the purpose of this life but being ignorance to what is troubling us just make us more lost. Laughing, shopping, picking on others, demoralising others(esp your friends/family), putting too high hopes on life and ignoring your problems won't help at all.

What we need is family, love ones and true friends who truly care for us, caring and being there for them will benefit us more than being sad over others who hurt or don't care for us. We should appreciate the people who are there when we are sad, lonely and need help or advice. How can we be so ignorance especially to our parents who are here with us through all the hard times...Some mistakes need to be changed to love and affection, so that life is more meaningful between us all.

My Sacrifice.

2007-03-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

As we go through the years of people who judge us by our looks, we tend to sacrifice ourselves for their mode of entertainment as they criticise us of our every features that are given by Allah.

My face, body, nose, eyes, mouth and legs are not mine, I don't own it, Allah do. Before I was born, He have beautifully made me by his own powers, He makes me uniquely different from you so as to easily differentiate us, its like a gift. Stop complaining of what we are lacking because every less, we will have more. Its human who loves to differentiate and criticised, but they didn't realised that what they laughing at is a gift from Allah.

My clothes are not mine, I don't own it, Allah do. Because from where I have the money is the job I have gotten by the rezeki He has given to me. So it is not mine. The next time if you think you want to comment or criticise others, think again, it is a gift from Him. It is very easy for him to take the clothes I have away from me, because it is not mine and so is the same for you who thinks you own alot of clothes and you think its yours. Dream on!!!

My belongings are not mine, I don't own it, Allah do. Everything that I have gotten in this world is all the rezeki Allah have given to me. So what ever I own may not be captivating to you, but it is to me, and if you do respect me and what I have, you do respect Him, because I don't own it, He do. If let say my choices and hobbies are different from yours, there is no need for critism, because that is ultimately my decisions through believing in Allah that influences me in choosing what I have in my life.

It may be fun to laugh, but it is not funny if you are sacrificing. A true friend will understand.

You leave me speechless, Fadly.

2006-12-20T07:35:00.001-08:00

There is one BIG greatest fear I have in my life which is to Allah. All the things I have in my life are a blessings from Him. I am happy for the love He gave through loving Fadly, for that I am afraid of losing him. Every mistake that I may have done including the past and presence worries me, my prayers are for Him to save me by.

It's hard to live in this world of beauties, but then each day he look into my eyes, I go speechless, speechless for the beauty only he can see in me. I am shy to look into his eyes for I feel, I don't think I am worthy of being loved. Although I am sastified and happy as the way I am, but I know there are people in my life who tend to differ me by my appearance. I can't deny or run away from these people, they are a part of me. All I can do is just pray for them to realise I am a creation of Allah and as special as everyone in my own way.

I hate being a substitute in life, as a replacement, as only a person to release anger etc. For once in my life, I feel someone really loves me for the way I am, think that I am special and never would want to let me go. And I hope that never ends, Fad. I'll pray we meet again in the next life...

To Fadly:

Happy 3 years Anniversary on the 24th of Dec 11:20pm, in advance. I hope this engagement will keep us stronger together. You make me speechless, when you look at me because everytime you do, I was praying to Allah, that it will never change. You are my childhood dream...

What I have commented in someones blog that was discriminating Muslimah wearing Tudungs.

2006-10-21T21:45:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum wr. wb.

My dear muslim friends, don't you think that each individual have his/her own specialities/bad points? When we see someone, is not through whether they wear tudong or not, the heart that counts. Like Rini said, it is nawaitu=niat. The reason why a real person wear tudung is because their hearts are open by hidayah=blessings, the others who don't take care of this speciality will of course be in the category of munafik=hypocrites, BUT again not all are like that. You need to be in ALL kind of environments to really know a real person who wear tudong.

Anyway, there is alot of Porno videos that are protraying this so called 'Minah Tudong', how can you be so sure that this so called 'minah tudong' with her full confidence want to show the world how their wild sex life is? Do you know that those who send false statements that isn't true at all for an example like this video is such a big sin, anyway it is already a sin you people are watching it and now distributing & criticising. If you people know so much about rights or wrongs then why didn't you stop? Isn't this in the month of Ramadhan where we need to do soul searching & improve every bad points as best as possible?

It is worse if you say that you are just commenting when actually you are criticising, this statement should be put as munafik=hypocrites because a true muslim never have to say bad about another just to prove what is wrong, because what is wrong will already be proved by Allah, especially during the end of the world=Qiamat. We are just making a more big sin by circulating this video around.

So my dear friends, we should end this by saying...

Innalillah-hiwa-innalillah-hiraji'un...

Whoever have done wrong, Allah will justify not us...

Assalamualaikum wr. wb.

( Realise that I put it as Muslimah wearing tudung and not Minah Tudong? )

I got nothing to say...

2006-10-08T14:47:00.000-07:00

When life just pulls you down and it seems so unfair, what do you do? I got nothing to say...

WORK:

Senile, silent-walk, slow-thinking, stress-developer and MAJOR-KAYPO person still here in the midst of us at work. Slowly my head gets as stress as before, I can only cry to the miserable things happening there, waiting for the right time to get out of this hell. Eventhough friends are so many but somehow every finger is pointing at me. All is my responsibility, but I think I am the worst-paid and more-work person there. Whats the use of me saying anything, it doesn't make a difference anymore, I can only hope for my future to be the best. Wish I could just get out of this... I don't even share the heartaches I am having at work with my mum anymore, there is no use saying anymore, I feel like a failure in the eyes of my parents.

FRIENDS:

I do not have time and money to go out with friends, too many things I have to think about. Though I know there are few who would not understand, its hard to explain when you are in my shoe. I have to set aside my pay for mum, engagement, bills, transport & a little portion for myself. My pay is so low, as you can see in the previous paragraph. It hurts more when friends do not understand when you cannot go out, and if can only certain times. I am already supporting myself 100% after Poly life, and if I do not have enough money for myself, I promise myself that I won't use my parents money. Most friends I know, still have support from parents so please understand my difficulties and principles. And don't say that I only go out with my BF because we don't even eat out or go out(only when we need to buy important things), he only come my house and we spent time at home with my family.

INTERVIEWS:

I went to too many interviews that I feel so horrible of myself, about 80% never even give a reply.

1) 2 different NTU dept lab tech position
2) air traffic controller @ Changi Airport
3) patient service associate @ CGH
4) Animal lab tech @ A*Star
5) Kikkoman QA lab tech
6) IRAS Tax Officer

Maybe I forget some others... haiz am I that bad?

LOVE & FAMILY:

The only thing that I am always looking forward is my love, Fadly & family. Only God knows how much they have done for me. I don't understand why friends say that I am too busy with my BF when actually I have no heart to leave my mum alone at home, plus I am saving up. It is sadder that when I am free/not free, I am forgotten. Maybe its my fault too because no one really knows what really is happening in my life except for Fad. Hope this clears everything. The reason why I wouldn't let anyone know except for Fad because I do not want to burden others, its enough that I am a failure now in the eyes of certain people.

I have got nothing to say or complain, things are happenning to me in a manner I should just swallow it in. So that is why you don't hear anything from me. You are always remembered my friends, though I know now you are busy with your life too just like me, but still I am here when you need a listening ear and advice.

Helloo!!! Pls listen properly Singapore!

2006-08-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

I am utterly disgusted by the Singapore Idol results. You voters are pathetic... We have an open voting system because we trust Singaporeans but what do we get? Probably millions of youngsters or probably 'deaf' wits that do not know how to value sound quality. Doesn't mean he is a friend and that means you have to vote for them to win ok, we don't need a singer without a proper voice! Up to the point that the most valuable singers have to go, this is too much!!! First it was Jay, then it was Rahimah, then it is Mathilda??? Helloo!!! Wake up people!!! We are not finding kindergaten singers, we are finding Singapore Idol. We do not need a monkey setting up on stage & singing us an unreachable note. Imagine what may happen if the wrong person became the Singapore Idol, what a shame to the whole world and also to the creator of American Idol, Simon Fuller. You may be jumping up & down for the monkey but people will be laughing at you too for being such a hypocrite. Why don't you just open up your ears and LISTEN!!!

Hady Mirza - He performed well as always, and always put a style to himself for the theme given.

Joakim - I have to be honest, he don't have the talent, he only win your heart with his smile and being humble and running around the stage. I totally AGREE with Ken, he should have gone out a long time ago.

Mathilda - Classic voice, no one can sing like her, she have her own thing going on the stage. She is herself, a perfect example of a Singapore Idol. TANGKAP!

Jasmine - Hey, eventhough she is pretty, well sorta, she don't sound as good as the others, BUT I believe she is improving... But if you are talking about flexibility, I don't think she have it. She can improve I think.

Nurul - Her voice is sweet, not all themes can support that and you have to know that a Singapore Idol is someone who is all about music & that able to take up anything being given to her/him.

Jonathan - A very special voice that wins lotsa girls, but don't be fooled by the charisma girls... Can handle most theme but he must be able to choose the right type of song. BUT if he were to be given a song by the judges, then let's keep fate in God's hands k...

Jay - Eventhough he is out but I have to say... I like this 'ah-beng's' voice. He can control it well and he is honest in delivering his songs, so you can see he is enjoying it & look relax while he is singing.

Rahimah - Ya she is out, everybody was devastated but we all have to agree, she have attitude problem but then maybe that is just how she bring herself out, her image. What a COOL voice she have. What a waste!

Therefore my fellow voters who come across this page, please think carefully about who you are voting. These comments are my comments so it might be different for you BUT please think over who you are going to vote. We don't vote someone because we pity them alright people!

I believe what Mediacorp should do is to go to the streets and interview people to what they think about the results & the contestants, then feature in the next show to get a taste of what really people are saying, probably those pathetic voters might see the light. But not to the extend of these interviews to be critising anyone but simple reasons to why the valuable contestants should not leave. I hope those who understands this might want to put the matter across to everyone... PLS VOTE CORRECTLY!!

Update on moi

2006-08-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

Currently job hunting. Been to NTU for the second time for the position of Lab Technician. Have a test for Air Traffic Controller, waiting for an interview...

Been going in and out of interview rooms, most without any reply after that. Am I that horrible or is it because of this job that is pulling me away. From now on end, I will promise myself that after my engagement I will get out of there and search for a job...

And nothing can stop me from getting out of that place!!! Arrgh...

Got 2 new lab partners, fast learners, thankz Allah. Although I have to educate them from beginning but its worth doing, well another group of friends I guess this time. Alhamdullilah...

Anyway I know this is quite late, but these are the photos of me & Verin and my trip to Langkawi. Heheh....

Me and Verinder at her 21st birthday party, the day that I Bhangra for the first time.

Me and my mum, when we have just reached the Langkasuka Resort lobby.

My golden shoes and my sis-in-law's whitey shoes...(^-^)

The popular 'Pulau Dayang Bunting'... Can U see a pregnant woman lying on the island?

My parents at their jetty, 'Dataran Helang'.

Rahimah, we feel you...

2006-08-10T23:48:00.000-07:00

It is hard to understand a person and especially a person like Rahimah Rahim of Singapore Idol. Can U see how looks means so much in this competition? Some deserve to get out of the competition more than some of those that went out. Come on Singaporeans choose wisely!

I can see that our dear Rahimah have a personal matter that makes her the way she is, strong, fierce, very expressive on her delivery of perfomance and being a bit attitude because behind that attitude, she is fighting her weaknesses and trying hard to succumb the angst, thats why she appear over expressive. If U realise all the songs she sang have a personal touch to her life, that is if U really listen to her when she explains why she chose the songs... And she is trying to share that with viewers so that those same as her will familiarise what she is feeling and like her try to survive all of these. Isn't depression a BIG problem in Singapore?

I admit her mistake is to show too much of these in her performance, and it is true she is not suitable to become Singapore Idol, but she will make a GREAT solo singer. She have all the familiarity of these feelings that make her original in delivering the songs. It is up to people to think the way they do, but I understand what she feels, a true Rocker do.

I wish Rahimah all the best because as a listener, I believe a true artist have their own originality and spark, being an idol and being an artist that inspire young individuals to strive on in their lives are a total different thing.

Dear Rahimah,

Don't be led down by what Ken said and please do not give up in your singing career because to me U have a gift, U are honest in your delivery of songs. Wherever U are, fan like me will always support true talent like U. Remember what Ken said, although U are not a Singapore Idol, he believes that U going to be a GREAT singer, I do too. :)

Please stop it...

2006-08-10T23:21:00.000-07:00

Please stop the war...

Please don't kill us...

Please don't kill our friends and families...

Please don't make my life miserable...

I instantly cry when I have these pics given to my email. Why do these children have to suffer so much in life, yet we are here not doing anything. We complain about how life is and how broke we are, but have we ever think about these kids? It can't be my PMS that make me cry this way, the pics are so nervous breaking. All just because of a piece of land, life have to be this way? What is the point, we can't even bring this piece of 'fortune' when we die.

Please stop all of this...

Please stop the pain...

Please stop the violence and sufferrings...

Crushed We With Words

2006-06-21T00:36:00.000-07:00

Many a day we seek what is gone
In pain encountered without knowledge & wisdom like U
Stands between us is a boundary concerned mainly on typical human ways
Inseperable action of words harsh & mean
Just to be the top U will pull through all the way
U have failed to understand true quality of we

Reformation soul-ly bound to happened one day

With everyday translucent shadow walks beneath earthly beings
Like U, it is too high to notice different passions in the darkness U create
Therefore I pray for U
To set off ablazed in the midst of tranquility

Pray for me

2006-05-24T19:32:00.000-07:00

The situation is getting more complicated and stressful. There is nothing I can do but just continue with the usual routine of my microbacterial test, there isn't any sufficient equipment for me to follow my technique. I was trapped in this horrible disaster that I can't breathe. I really need to get out and get into NTU. No, not to school but the job offer of a lab tech there, though it is a long way to achieve what we want but I am pulling every inch of my fats into the small pin hole of hope. Ok, I think I may sound quite disgusting there but then what I really mean is I am in this shitty job that is squeezing every inch of sweat to work for them with a very low pay and now they are blaming me for their pathetic quality of bacteria control. It sux!!! For God sake, I am the Quality Control Lab Tech, when I say there is something wrong with the drink, do something about it, and don't U go blaming me as the stupid results of your pathetic drinks are entirely your fault. What may come I will bear but once I get the job of my dreams, U can say goodbye to me. Believe entirely as you may to the so called R&D Manager which don't even have any laboratory knowledge or any qualifications got to do with Science, you are endangering yourself. What does a Malt powder from USA got anything to do with a Wheatgrass powder? Ask your own self. And don't you push responsibilities to me when you know that it is your job and pretend to want to raise my pay and say good things about me. You may guess that I want to change my job but then U know I can do almost anything U tell me to do, so stop dreaming and thinking for once that I enjoy working with U. U are just making things difficult for low paying employee like us. Your pay is over 5x or 10x more than us so please reflect on what U have really done here. Stop blaming on the employee and start thinking about the people above us, like you.

What more can I cry about in this world? There is so much cruelty and disappoinment of people who we once thought would be there for us, but in the end the time will show what is their true colours. For now I hope and pray that for those who care about frienship and kindness, please don't ever take advantage of the goodness of life because U never know U might lose them. For those at the bottom, don't ever give up and those at the top don't put up your nose too high because you will go to the bottom too.

Financially tight, but my dreams are still strong and I will never give up no matter what comes. Those who care let's pray for those who are less fortunate then us, because then we know our sufferings are less painful compared to those far worse than us.

I have realised...

2006-04-05T22:22:00.000-07:00

Is it me or is it just me?

Is there something wrong with me?

I should have realised it from the beginning... the day I stepped into school and treat U as my friend, because U come as U wish and go as U may.

Why does it have to be me?

Why that everything I do don't seem to be appreciated by U, in the end?

The more I know, the further I go, the more invisible I be.

At the most precious moments of my life U are not there emotionally... How can U call yourself a friend to me?

Even I am afraid to approached U now, because I want to see how far U go without me, by doing that I know whether I was really a friend to U. Whether I was really there when it all happened and was regarded as a friend.

Blame me to isolate myself but that is what U make me do, an outcast. Different away from the society. I can't blame the boredom I have in me for U to not see me, because U have your own perception of the word friend.

U know what use I have when it comes to your dilemmas in life and troubles, U know I am there because I am revolving this world around friends. U know that I can get back on my feet and walk again and never regret, so U use me.

How hard is it to treat me like other normal friend or other terms U used to use on me like special friend, sister, bestfriend, close friend, a friend U can rely on... etc.

On this journey I search high and low for that friend that knows me as me, be my friend not only when im physically there but in our hearts we are forever friends, be my friend for who I am, be there for me in good and bad times(not all the time), care and remembers that I exists in this world.

I hope U are a friend...

P.S. I don't know what the hell I am writing but it just comes when it comes... (-_-)

Invitation

2006-03-26T21:10:00.000-08:00

I stepped into the mosque with my quite sandy feet as I try to find a place to seat, I realised the old faces of people I have seen before. How much I want to feel the love of a grandmother, deprived childhood filled with sadness of depression. Do you call it depression? Am I not too young to feel it when I am at 6 or 7? Then again how can I deny the greatness of Allah. Nothing is impossible in this world and things happen for a reason. Problem with myself since young, thinking about how i look and sometimes that I don't belong in this society of people who only cares about talking bad about others and greediness about money and they only care about themselves. Human filled with imperfection, no wonder I keep feeling low about myself because I can't keep my own promises to myself.

What the ustaz say keep ringing in my ears that reflects what is troubling me all these years, I can't keep my prayers going on and on and making it a routine. Maybe I am trying too hard like what he say. It just make the satan more stronger to pull me out of that routine. Just one day the routine is stopped, it will be a long time that it will start back, somehow the daily activities pull me not to keep the routine. And that was the emptiness I am trying to stop and especially now that I have meet the one for me to build a stronger bond with all my life, I am sure of what I want, but my future seems uncertain. Somehow something is making the fear to build up and go out of control, enabling me to achieve what I want in life. So I am going to start when the day starts on its early prayers tomorrow. Please pray for me, this is my way to hapiness with Fadly.

My non-existence

2006-03-26T20:50:00.000-08:00

Jump before me I fear to see
Fall away from the cracked glass window below
Thousands of shattered lifes left alone
It is so dark that it is nearly blinded by light
Faraway from dreams and goals I seek
Blurry vision of what ahead
Ignorance released without feelings of regrets
As we stroll down the streets we used to embark
Different yet familiar tears occur
Whatever! Whatever! Whatever! Whatever!
Anger in non-existence no more...
Step on me, washing the dirt off feet as they past by
Alone in the dark of light
Introspective insight of life with my non-existence
And the days continue...
Till its time.

Appreciation People

2006-03-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

I didnt have the time for this... So I don't care!!! Here I go....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! "belated".... (in a sickening voice)

First I like to say thank you for all the people who call or msg me to say happy birthday on the 28th of February 2006. I am shocked that for this 21st birthday of mine is the most DEAD birthday I have.

BUT...

Sincerely, I didn't expect some that call, msg and sang for me, those that come all the way to under my block just to celebrate it with me, eventhough it is 2 days after my birthday, those that make my wishes come through by making my own t-shirt design for my birthday present, especially my family and Fad that celebrate it a few days before so that everybody can celebrate it together, and my colleague/friend with a sweet gift that I never expect it to be sooo sweet and a birthday treat at Seoul Garden by my long time friend... I am so happy eventhough part of me is sad that the people whom I expect to remember, didn't even appear or even wish a single belated birthday.

BUT... Nevertheless.... I am happy, ok la & part of it is like "whatever!!", because someone promise to give me a present for my birthday eventhough if she is in Australia, but then that is not important, I appreciate it if at least she remembers and wish me somehow...Guess I am forgotten, and forgotten, and forgotten, and forgotten... Haha! BUT... It is ok, I hope U are doing fine in Australia, study hard ok. I am serious I am ok... Haha!

I think turning 21 is like being rubbery and harmless and so like "whatever!!"... Because... I am not sure the reason why. It is like I am hurt but I tend to let it go so easily...

BUT...

When the pain accumulates and I am drowning of it, I think I will burst.Haha!

For now, words of thanks...

A very special thanks to Haizum and Nisah for calling me to say and sing happy birthday to me at the strike of 12 midnite,Khair for entertaining me online and messaging me on the strike of midnite, Joanne for messaging me and Hasinah for calling me when I am in a shop which she thought I am having a party. I didn't have a party my dear. Sob sob...

And thanks for the gifts...

Fad, thanks for the cool blouse U gave me, it is our favourite colour.

Dad, thanks for the $50, I need it to buy my supplies of make-up.

Mom, thanks for the food U make for me for my birthday and the sandwiches U make for lunch at work. And... "that" stuffs too...

Sis and bro-in-law, thanks for the cute sandal and cool body-shop spring orchird package.

Bro and sis-in-law, thanks for the Adidas bag, I need one.

Khair, thanks for the Dream Theater T-shirt and the long-sleeve with my design on it.

Nisah & Feza, thanks for the superb cake U bring over under my block.

Umah, thanks for the sweetest gift I have in years, a love shaped silver necklace.

Fadzlina, thanks for the treat at Seoul Garden, it was scrumpulicious...(is there such a word?)

My Auntie, thanks for the $10, it is a top-up to my make-up supplies. Haha!

And yet I am more happier... My cousin got engaged, and guess who was the photographer??

ME!!! I am the one responsible for this...

So... Who want to hire me for their wedding? HEhee...

Anyone interested in doing a survey?

2006-02-22T21:05:00.000-08:00

Pls get it on to this website to get it on to do a survey on me...

While at it you can even do it for yourself, then u tell me the link to do it for you ok?

Here is the link...

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Super%20Siti

Here is what people think of me so far and what I am thinking and what others or me is unaware of...

Arena

(known to self and others)

caring, friendly, helpful

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

adaptable, cheerful, independent, intelligent, kind, loving, mature, modest, reflective, religious, sentimental, silly, sympathetic, trustworthy

Façade

(known only to self)

complex, observant, patient

Unknown

(known to nobody)

able, accepting, bold, brave, calm, clever, confident, dependable, dignified, energetic, extroverted, giving, happy, idealistic, ingenious, introverted, knowledgeable, logical, nervous, organised, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, responsive, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sensible, shy, spontaneous, tense, warm, wise, witty

Dominant Traits

60% of people think that Super Siti is kind
60% of people think that Super Siti is religious
80% of people think that Super Siti is sentimental

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (0%) adaptable (20%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (40%) cheerful (40%) clever (0%) complex (0%) confident (0%) dependable (0%) dignified (0%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (40%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (20%) idealistic (0%) independent (20%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (20%) introverted (0%) kind (60%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (40%) mature (20%) modest (20%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (20%) relaxed (0%) religious (60%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (0%) sentimental (80%) shy (0%) silly (20%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (20%) tense (0%) trustworthy (40%) warm (0%) wise (0%) witty (0%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 22.2.2006, using data from 5 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Super Siti's full data.

Dreams

2006-02-20T21:45:00.000-08:00

Is it true?

How I wish so would happen.... No need to dream because there is nothing to wish or dream about. I have to face this cruel truth and reality that lay before me.

What am I thinking about, it is a thought to be never think about. Live it the way of what is the fullest but then what is empty and what is full? Damn, I am confused.

Whenever we are trying to, we are prevented by certain things that suddenly comes. It is so irritating! So how can I get married like this?? Government jobs, please I need one...

Prevention of the Mellow Attack

2006-02-17T20:36:00.000-08:00

Intervention the weak increases heart rate
Pulsing a very inner side of mind
Soul rest in peaceful bed, trembling to sleep as eyes awake
Body forced to harden the shivering spine
Till it cracked and break into small, different pieces
Acceptance rejected by the very own
To whom we come from speaks in sleeps
Answers were questioned as the answered were a question
Manipulating brain as it works ahead in it
Showering under the heat we lay still
Waiting for the very moment that we pounced to earth beneath
Preventing softness affecting races revolving it
A mellow attack produces each day of vain
stop and think, how we endure the rain and faint
For that is why we are here to mellow down the pain.

Communication

2006-02-15T22:39:00.000-08:00

When I was young, I love to talk alot and my mum use to call me 'nenek kebayan'. I was a happy girl, who loves to eat, play and laugh. When I am a bit older, around 7 years old, that cheerfulness starts to fade. I like to remain quiet during occasions like Hari Raya or any 'kenduri' with my relatives. I will only be myself when I am with my close cousins. At home I seldom talked to my mum, she was busy, when I was young, I used to think that my parents don't really loves me. Even though I am the youngest, there is no such things as 'anak manja' for me. I don't mind that but sometimes I think my parents loves my sis more than me, and my bro too, till now actually. Sometimes it hurts but then we can't judge their love, can we? So starting of my 7 years old and above, I was really quiet, only am myself with my friends and close cousins.

People use to say that I am stupid because I did a certain project all by myself, which actually I need to do with my friend. My sis use to scold me and say, "Never let anyone put U down! U should tell them off when somebody takes U for granted." I have learnt from that, I have more friends than ever when I was 11 and 12. In my secondary school years, I knew too much hatred and fake people that the wall of trust starts to deplete out of my heart. It is hard to trust, but communication was much better. Eventhough my english was a C5 but then the communication that I have with different type of people have help me to go far. I want to go further.

And I end up in Poly with a part-time job in Pizza Hut. I talk to strangers and key in orders and know more people who talk more things about U that is more bad than good. Challenges filled up my days both in school and work. In school, I just can't communicate with my lecturers because I feel that I am stupid and no way in their kind of world. Except for some who believes in me. Some who go the extra mile to come and ask me straight to my face, " Siti are U ok?". Not to forget the conflicts about friends I have in Poly are overwhelming and over the top. It is not dramatic but silent kind of conflicts. I hate silent, this teaches me how communication is what it is all about.

Weird that I worked in Starhub before, so not me kind of thing. Never know I have the gift of communicating with customers but then I kind of sick of it because of the demand that is too pathetic to mention. Come on lah Singaporeans, can you please don't ask for stupid things!!! Sigh~

So now I am working in HSC, the company producing Kickapoo and other cool drinks that U might never heard of. Well, that is because the company is the first in Singapore to manufacture this drinks, previously we are drinking from Malaysia HSC, now we are going to drink fromSingapore very own HSC drinks. HEhee.. Which is more nicer, because... I am the QC Lab Tech in-charge of improvising the taste and well-being of the drink. Partly is my duty but then, we have to work with the Marketing Dept.

So now I thought that I won't have any problems with communicating in the lab, since probably most of the time I be talking to the Green tea, but I am wrong! Now I have another Lab Tech with me and she is a China PR. This is really is challenging job for me, probably now I will improve my mandarin. HaAha!! One of my closest colleague is planning to leave the company, how am I gonna survived? I have to communicate more I suppose throughout my whole life. Sometimes I am too tired of talking, I just want to shut my mouth, put masking tape all over and lock myself in the lab. I know it is impossible! U know why? My mouth be itching for food.

In the factory I was told to take out my tudung because we have to keep a clean environment. Always have to wear a hairnet whenever going into the production site. I know what U are thinking, tudung is like a hairnet but then, there it's different, tudung can catch alot of bacteria from outside so it will contaminate the drinks. Moreover I am doing Microbe-check on samples so I am using a vacuum pump, which might suck out the living materials on my tudung. So I have no choice. Of course when I go back home, I will put on back lah! My colleagues are so fortunate to see my hair!!

Search Your True Identity

2006-02-03T22:42:00.000-08:00

I been listening to people's conversation and how much it has left me thinking about my childhood and my teenage life... They go something like....

"Ishhh... Look at that guy!!! So cute and handsome right???", and another one is,

"Don't you think she is so bitchy, she thinks she is so pretty with her outfit like that. Hahaha....", this person was sitting with her group of friends.

Well they were actually saying it Malay,

"Ishhh... Kau tengok orang belakang kau... Hensem gile!!! Siak ar....", and the other one again in Malay,

"Sial punye perempuan, ingat dia lawa lah tu, baju mcm siak. Hahaha....", these 2 sentences was by the same person.

Some of us say "siak" and "sial" before in our life, eventhough maybe some of us don't but accidentally we still do. Some of us say it for fun and think that it is cool. Some of us however just got stuck with that phase since the early years. Well... I have been in that stage but then I don't really say it every minute and every phrase of my words and I am through it, not like certain people. I think I still mention that word to those I know won't get offended, they are my sister, my close cuzzie, close crazy friends and even to my mum who know that I don't have the intention of scolding, to me its just a word to describe something outrageous. The most I say to mention that word is,

"Siak je! Haha...", I always mention this when anyone I have mention above have said or done something funny or outrageous. The word "sial" is not used by me, maybe last time when I am still young but then it wasn't that long.

What I am trying to point out is actually not all these words but then actually what they were talking about. What is really fun to U when spending time with your friends?

1) Is it to look at guys and get their attention?

2) Is it to criticise others and make them feel ashamed of themselves?

3) Is it laughing at your friend because she is different from you or the group?

4) Is it dumping guys?

5) Is it showing most parts of your body to guys?

6) Is it being able to get all attentions and be snobbish about it?

These questions are lingering in my mind, never been in that situation before, well kind of in the situation but then I feel different.

In situation no. 1, I am just a presence to not be notice and to let guys notice my friends, that makes me happy because I like when my friends are happy. I don't like attention that much, makes me uneasy.

In situation no. 2, I can't deny that I don't criticise people but unless if they are really asking for it. I am just happy to listen to my friends ridiculous comments on others, if it is not true to me, I will just laugh it off.

In situation no. 3, I don't believe in this kind of things because I believe that everybody is different and should be treated with equal respect. I HATE it when somebody in the group will laugh at another from the group just to bring him/her down, but if its a joke, it is ok, with constant assurance of the comment as a joke is better.

In situation no. 4, never ever been in this situation. How does it feel to get it on with a guy and then dump him? You better watch your butt if you do this to others... I don't have the heart and the time. I am fair to both guys and gals.

In situation no. 5, another never been there kind of situation. I choose not to show, does that mean that I am not cool? I am covered, I am not cool? If your answer is "not cool", get a reality check because that means you are narrow minded.

In situation no. 6, all of us or is it most of us be in this situation when suddenly your friend ignores you when a group of guys walk next to your friends and you. And when these guys realling focusing their attention on your friend, she suddenly become snobbish towards you because she is trying to keep her cool? Hmmm... Is it wrong to just act normally with us in front of those guys? It leaves me thinking, do I/Us make my/our friend less cool in front of those guys? Weird.

So what is really fun for you?

For me the time spend with friends are fun because we do stupid things with ourselves and not because of some guy or gal we don't barely know, laughing at each other is fun but then we need to think about how they feel too, be a bit careful. It is better to laugh with one another, to me.

I really don't know what I am crapping but you can leave your views.

The Feeling is Undescribable

2006-01-03T22:34:00.000-08:00

We sat at the carpark, admiring the beauty of Allah's creation. The sunset drove in at the corner of my eye. Dirty, small and filthy atmosphere up at the carpark, seems different to me out there in the open. The wind blew in my face while whispering whispers, flapping my tudung. The rain stopped. From that 5th storey of the carpark, scenes of the youngsters were exhibited. Smoking, kissing, laughing, sitting and loitering like there is no tomorrow. This couple really need a room, or maybe they can't afford one. But that wasn't my purpose there, I was there to rebond the friendship that we share. Both of us love to enjoy the beautiful world that hardly people notice, from places like especially the carpark. It brings me to places I never know I could inside of me. I know that it was nearing to Maghrib(one of the time we need to pray in a day in the evening), but however the day still seem to be brighter than normal like there is something that wants me to open my eyes and observe, far more important.

Though we were different from them and were also loitering but we gripped those magical moments that we were about to experience.... And I hope that this true story of mine touch your heart too.

A man, probably a Malay or maybe an Indian Muslim or is it an immigrant, wearing just normal pants and white T-shirt came up from the interchange, walking across the field. The field which no one would step into as it was too muddy and probably with long grass. All of a sudden he swooped down and touch the ground, and put onto his hands, face, head, ears and legs. He keep on walking as though finding something there. We were puzzled. He suddenly face a direction that I am so familiar with, his hands up against his shoulders and then to his stomarch.

There we were experiencing the most purest and magical moment to me to have seen in Singapore. He was praying(sembahyang) there in the middle of the field. Without any mat, without anything to protect him from that moist ground, there he pray. Atmosphere gone dead quiet and the only thing I can hear was my heart beating, it was the same feeling I have when I was in Mekkah and Madinah.

The couple and the other youngsters stopped and look, but then still carry on with their activities, as though it is not cool and it is just so purely weird. My anger built up for this ignorant youngsters, but she cool me down and say, "wait till they know the circumstances later", I smiled. Evil and good were right in front of me and her, it shows that we have choices in life and it is up to us to which will make us happier. As for us, we can't pray that day. We did come back to the same place after a few days when we have the time, but nothing of the same happen.

Just like any human, I am not perfect and will never be, but I will always try and I know that the only way to keep me happy most is to keep close to Him. Something just lift you up and makes you fresh as though you have just hold the air around you. I am bad at this, the feeling is... such a wonderful feeling... like there is no one out there to get you... and all the beautiful creations of Allah are singing with you.

I wouldn't want a holiday, because it is just temporary excitement but being in Madinah and Mekkah, really makes me, me. The same feeling I feel when I saw the man praying in the middle of the field, it is so much of that feeling when I am in Madinah and Mekkah. How can my religion be the cause of all these violence? I know that true Muslims, are not the cause.

Blackcurrant yum yum...

2005-12-29T21:38:00.000-08:00

Okay let's not get this blog so tense up k... People everywhere, P.E.A.C.E, if you people hate me so much then sorry k if I make U hate me but then, sometimes we need to understand a person too rite and forgive, and please don't judge anyone by their looks or weaknesses... I am saying this to everyone, this is my opinion la, I realise from other people and my experiences that alot of people like to judge alot. Like in the working world, there are a lot of people like that. I totally agree with the entry by Hafeza, sorry but it is in Malay, human creates alot of problems just by minor things and how she relates with what is happening to the world.

Honestly, I think I am experiencing it now, sometimes when U open your mouth too much, people talk behind your back, then if U are too quiet, people say U like stupid like that. So how? I have no idea. So I just remain quiet and do what I am suppose to do. Is that a good thing? I am not sure. Go with the flow is better I guess.

I tried my blackcurrant drink we did yesterday, so nice!!! HahaAHah... So pathetic, I am happy for making blackcurrant drink... With only just a blackcurrant drink, I am feeling the achievement. I been thinking about it since just now, I think I miss my blackcurrant.

This is scary but my horoscope in TODAY is so similar to my life, they mention about somebody in my workplace mite make me feel insecure, well I think I know who. Sigh~ I will never be able to please everyone. Don't think I am sastified enough for what I have done, I have to do more than just listen to people's problems and advice. But then it is hard, people mite think I am weird.

Hope I am not bringing what is affecting me at work to my home. Thankz mum, U are a great motivation for me. Sorry Sarah, I don't get to meet U today, I am broke, we can meet next week and watch movie k...

Up to U

2005-12-29T18:18:00.000-08:00

If U may have realise the date to that post was on last Saturday or issit Sunday, Fad just when out of camp, he was furious coz he don't get to see your blog, up to U la, if U think we do mistakes then up to U to forgive. But then watever it is, all the best to ya... I am sure life ahead will be better for U. Anyway, I think Fad do that to test on your sincerity, forgive us if we did anything wrong. I don't want to think and fight anymore, I just want us to be okay. Brape byk org nk forgive? Hmm well whatever accusations that U may have written in my comments abt me that is not true, how about that, U too hurt me, I have forgive U already. Forgive Fad, he just want to know whether U really am U and U are not somebody else. U must understand, this is a blog, sesiapa pon leh act as U. I am all about P.E.A.C.E

Quality Check Lab Technician

2005-12-28T20:12:00.000-08:00

Comments on the job...

Apparatus are all in Chinese, even the centrifuge... I feel like a gundu when first started on 22nd of Dec 2005. The pH meter is funny, very complicated, I think maybe it has something against me. The ppl there are nice but then I feel so young and stupid. Got the potential of getting scalded and probably rushed to the emergency room perhaps. Haha... I love challenging jobs. But..

Here are the few list of improvements that the lab should have..

1) micro-pippettes
2) labcoats for everyone (maybe not now coz factory still new)
3) Kim-wipes (remember we use to love that piece of tissue??)
4) weighing boats
5) roller chairs (my feet are arching now)

From this day onwards, I will try my best to not drink soft drinks or even any drinks that contains sugar. The amount of sugar in that drink is so much... And the flavourings are also added, that is not good too right? Hmmm wonder what I will do tomorrow...

My English is not good enuff for U?

2005-12-28T19:46:00.000-08:00

Hello... If U are out there, U should know that I have already forgive U, which part of my sentence that U don't understand, what hurt? Who are U to know what happen to me when U left? U were not there... How U know me? U don't. So how U know U have all the hurt, do U know that I never hurt anyone or maybe probably only my frens perhaps and still I do still have ppl who hurt me. Do U think U have matured? Pls before U ask me all that questions why not ask yourself, U are the one hurting me with all this fuss, U don't get what I mean, the moment I was explaining to U. U keep wanting to win. This is a fair game so pls... I have FORGIVE U A LONG TIME AGO, and now I didn't know that U mite appear in my life again so I was taken aback. Do U know that its hard to trust someone so I do accept the apology, neway, it is no difference because I have FORGIVEN U... Pls get that clear... I have my own doubts but I do am happy that U say sorry and that U have the guts. Get That PLZ... I have the rights to feel what I want to feel, why such a fuss. I don't care whatever U do to your blog, that is your property, just that I find it weird, whats wrong with that, just like what U say, a person is entitled to whatever the person want to say or think, anyway this is a blog, how do U know what is in my mind. It is up to U to take back your words, never live your life with regrets k. You want me to think, but what is there to think, I am not in your life and the only things I can know what is happening to U is by what U wrote in that blog. Anyway the pain that U feel through this times are all because U chose so, remember U were mentioning about karma in your blog, so is it my fault? At least U chose that way so its karma, how about me? U don't know what happen in my life, and wat U have said in previous comments, U may not know me as I am now, so this phrase goes the same to U. How do U feel when U always been there for almost everyone but still hurt by others? U won't know what happen to me so U don't understand.

"Of course it's hard for you. Why? Because you have not let it go. That hatred. That regret. Have you grown up"

About what U have said above, I will like to ask U 1 question, How do U know? U don't even know me. The only things that U have to support against that is my blog and probably my bad english. But do U know my heart well enough? If I still have all the hatred, I would have gotten with all the guys who want to know me and when I get them, I will ditch them. But did I do that? NO!!! Do U know this? NO!!! So who are U to judge me?

"Did you appreciate the life He has given you? Did you appreciate the path that He let you take?I didn't think so. Wanna know why?Imagine. Someone who is trying to make a better life, turning over a new leaf, REPENT(for God's Sake!), suddenly, on one night, decided to type his full name on his yahoo search engine. And he finds out that his bitter past from 4 years ago starts to haunt him!Think.... before you start to say anything.I've had enuf. The tables have turned. I pray the Lord to protect me from the Hurt that you cause now.Thanks. and Good Bye forever. "

From what U have written above, I do appreciate the path and my life, but then HELLO!!! like what U have said before, it is up to the person to have their way of thinking... AND get this thing right, the way I think is that I am a forgiver, I don't like revenge and I am full of doubts and I think too much... So if I have doubts means that I think too much so what is the fuss, it is just that U don't know me. Don't believe ask my frens... Seriously, I think U got it all wrong...

Plz, I really don't want to fight anymore, I just want your life to be happy and mine too. I wish that all of us can be frens. That is all. Now that U are the one who take back your words, then its up to u, because I have already forgiven U. I even pray for your happiness but then to no avail. For what I know I have done what I can for U to understand and forgave U(since along time ago), so it is all up to U now. Seems like U are accusing me of hurting U. Come on, we know that in this world there are always people hurt more than us, so let's drop this fuss. The conclusion is, U don't know me. And it is a blog so U can only see words but not feel what I am trying to say. I realise that I will always fight with someone either on MSN or email, Sunil, I need your assistance in my English here...hahaAHa

Get it all wrong...

2005-12-26T01:50:00.000-08:00

To Sazali:

U have misunderstood me. And U can't blame me if I have certain doubts because the only thing I see are words. But I do accept your apologies, neway I have forgiven U a long time ago. I just hope that it is not another lie. This doesn't mean I think that U are lying.

Plz don't mention anything about U being hurt all because U think that I think U are lying, coz I have been hurt by U/others and it was much worse feeling, and I never asked for it eventhough I don't hurt U or anybody that I have been hurt from.

I even offered you to be our friend, and so did Fadly, we wanted to help U, how sincere are we? Who is not believing who now? You should be glad that I am not like any other ex-girlfriends who would cursed behind your back and plan a revenge on U. And U can still mention about being hurt? U should not be, I believe that you really meant the whole 'forgive me' but I hope it is not another lie. This doesn't mean that I think you are lying.

Plz don't only understand your situation, understand mine too. I do believe you are truly sorry but I just hope U are not lying to me....Plz read this carefully.

To Fadly:

I love U and will never leave U. I know U love me so much and I have learn alot from your love. InsyaAllah it will lasts... Never been happy so much before in my life. I need U... Don't worry, U will do fine in life.... Don't stress too much k... Can't wait to meet U again... U look so toned after 10 days in NS..hehe... Happy 2nd year anniversary on 24th of December. Love you always.

Return

2005-12-18T23:38:00.000-08:00

Opinions no matter what it shall be in return
Hopes are too high and bad
Beyond hope of my dreams, I wander myself to sleep
Messages of hate lingers beneath the surface
Individuals appear blunt in presence
Behind this inner wall of sanity relate
Laughter penetrate the soft hearts and souls
Wishing of unleashing the anger lost
Whatever I may do I whisper the prayers I know
Love and passion will not die through
Cruelty, poverty locked within this ruling empire of souls
A cycle is broken, another is too
Paying it again for the kindness brought together
Missing the love, losing the grip in life
Wishing the wishes made in mind
Waiting in line for return and the return...

Miss him...

2005-12-16T01:03:00.000-08:00

On the 13th of Dec 2005, Fad went for his National Service. It is hard when he is not around. Been playing games and sleeping really late, just can't stop thinking about him, about the things he do that make me laugh. Didn't call me yet, wonder if he is busy, probably he is so tired. Couldn't deny that part of me thinks that he forget me, but then whatever it is I hope he is fine and coping well. I have to lose some weight, don't feel myself if I am like this, it is as though I am miserable... *sigh*

'Just Like Heaven' is very nice movie, weird but nice... Hope Fad can watched it with me... Though I already watched it. It has been a long time that I never write a poem. Till today...

Leaving alone unattended
Blowing in the wind of hope
Push myself within me strongly
Prolonged endurance of pain fixed
Long view of humanity awaits
Alienated in this world outside forever
Reaping the garden in dreams at night
Searching gracefully among the flowers of heaven
Spiritually coincides feelings to be alive
Imaginary friends floats in childhood memory
Nice words don't have what I need later
Touching hearts of others with a smile, I lead
Hoping tomorrow will be the end of miss

My Drama & Poetry teacher use to say that poem can come in different sounds and forms, it may not mean anything to others but then it may to some... Don't know about you guys but there is a meaning. Probably I should start with writing poems again... Maybe I should share this with Afiq, hope I am not too late to feature my poems in their book... Well, it doesn't matter but it makes me feel better. 'Never too focus when you are wrting a poem because you have to be you when you write it', I will never forget that sir, and I am sorry I forget your name but I do remember it starts with a 'D'... I feel so guilty now.

Cinta Ku Sejati ( My love is forever... )

2005-12-05T01:58:00.000-08:00

Nobody really knows what have I gone through in life, the people I have met and shaped my life, the things that thought me how to carry all these on my shoulder and the strength that keep me going. Now I shall reveal it. It doesn't matter who may read this.

I think the biggest turning pt in my life is when I got to know Sazali, not because it was a very nice memory but then it thought me things that make me into me today. Sazali was my first love, I never felt love before but then when I met him, I have changed and learn to love myself and love someone and be happy. Well, I am sure you will have questions like, "what happen to him?", or, "why things didn't work out?". That you have to ask him. I have loved him and trusted him but then one fine day, he reveal his true self. He have another person in his life before I came, he said that having me in his life was such a fairy tale and wanted to tell our future children of how we met (this he told me before he tell me the truth). He said that the other person in his life really want to change and having a heart attack, she really needs him. So dramatic huh... Well, when I think of it now and even a long time ago, I know that he is lying. Nevertheless, I know that what he have told me before about us being together and loving me and caring for me, was all true. He was just confuse because the person that he have known before(or Allah knows maybe she is after me), is his reality but then with me was his fantasy. He have always wanted a girl like me but then because of reality I believed that there is no future in me with him. I remember that he told me I should learn to make friends more with guys and that I will learn about love after a while. And I did. Eventhough he have hurt me, but then I am thankful that Allah make him leave me and gave me Fadly.

But then the moments when Sazali was gone and Fadly haven't come into my life, those were the most hardest moment of my life. It took me around 2+ years to really get rid of the hurt and pain Sazali have left me with. But I realised that I was a better person when he left. I went into chatrooms and get to know alot of guys, but then my intentions were not to find someone but finding my true self. I wanted to make friends and touch people's lives, instead along the way in that 2+ years, I was judged and even tested by Allah about my patience to find the right friend, I did in my heart wish that I would find the guy that I have been wanting to meet. The only guy friends that I have till now that I have benefitted from these chatrooms/Anakmelayu are Md Khair and Nur Zahfran. After around 2 years, I met Zahfran on Hari Raye 2005... Haha... I have another friend, Zaki, or Zack, got my no. from his friend, been friends with him for 2+ years, learn alot about guys and life from him too. Other than these guys, there are a few others including gals that I have touch their life, I hope they remember me, coz I don't. Hahaha... Sorry dudes and duddettes! During this 2 years, I have a realtionship with a guy call Fadil, he was so patient with my insecure self but then he was not that patient to heal me, and he is not the one. For your info, Md Khair and Zahfran, I have known in Anak Melayu and so is Fadly. I didn't realise that Fadly was my friend in Anak Melayu till he gave me his email add in MIRC.

Here is the story of my true happiness. I was online in IRC Melayu chatroom, was joking with my normal chat pals, can't remember their nicks, suddenly, 'Breakme' came into the chatroom, everybody knows him and we all ended up talking about love and looks. I and Breakme(Fadly) was also private messenging, we exchange email adds so that we can chat on MSN, that is when I realised that he was my Anak Melayu friend, that I have known quite a while, though we don't talk much online in Anak Melayu. Everytime from that day, if I am online, Fadly will always approached me in MSN the moment I entered. I don't have any feelings for him that time, was actually on the verge of being with another guy named, Ali. Weird guy, he give me hopes of being with him but then I know that if I were to be with him, I won't feel secure, coz eventhough when we were still friends, I can already feel it. Fadly gave me an sms one day, and he said in the message, to forget Ali and why not be with him. I was shocked, I called him and laugh but then, he was silent, I can hear him cry softly and mummuring that he doesn't want the same things to happen. That was the time when suddenly it hits me. I realised that I have always been jealous when he was too busy chatting with other gals online(I know when he reply late on MSN), and that small fights that we have about Ali that was so obvious Fadly was jealous and when I miss him because unable to log in to the internet to see him online(as I was using dial-up last time). All that just come to me. He put down the phone on me, I cried, get to him back and asked him whether was it true. He diverted all the questions.I was thinking about him from then on, I changed my no. and lose contact with Ali. I told Fadly about how I feel when I cannot hold it anymore, he said that he was scared that things won't work out well as he thought when he sms me last time, thats the reason why he diverted those questions. He is scared of telling a gal how he feel as he have failed alot in relationships, but then I assured him, I am different, and I understand. So it doesn't kill for gals to tell first. Well, he kinda tell me about it first but then I am the first to say and express how I feel. He heal me patiently, clear most of my insecurities and make my wish come true. Ali was trying to find me after I am already with Fadly, in MIRC, so weird that he will go all that far to private msg everyone online in Melayu to ask about me. How I know? My cousin was online. Ali have seen me before in geylang Serai, seen him from far, don't think things will work out for us, he is too mysterious for me.

Because of Sazali these things happened to me, so there is always a reason when there is hardship, because now and I hope, insyaAllah, in the future will always be by Fadly's side. In life, always be patient and improve yourself, along the way you be granted for what you wish for and learn more things about yourself. For now Alhamdulillah syukur for what I have....

Think About It

2005-11-29T00:56:00.000-08:00

Hmm... Just watch Exorcism of Emily Rose, like other Exorcist movies, they were trying to explains the existence of the good and evil in this world. Draggy but then i like the theories made in the court room.

On the previous entry about that Jane. For me I will help her if I can but then if I can't then not my fault. The response is not that good so maybe I will think about a diff topic to feature on this blog. Till then I will make you ppl suspense for the new topic of discussions.

Certain things in life happens for a reason and sometimes we keep blaming on fate but then do you know whether what happens to you is because sometimes of what you mite have done in the past? So stop whining and do something good to live the life that you have now to the fullest so that eventhough bad things still come to you but then at least you are sastified that you have done good. If you don't get it, read this paragraph again. Stop looking in other ppl's mistake but then observe them and prevent yourself from it. Even I am not perfect but then every step I make I will try my best, so if you ppl feel what I feel then live it!

Certain ppl tend to forget their friends when they are too busy with their love ones but then not all. Sometimes we ourselves don't realise that we mite have done this to our fellow friends but then as a friend, understanding is crucial in this kind of state. For me I like to mix my friends and my bf and also if possible, my bf friends with my friends. But then maybe some of us mite feel differently. Some of our friends mite think that we have forgotten them but then do they really know what happens in our life? Even we can't spend much time with our love ones. All just because we have a bf, it is hard for them to communicate with us, we are still human beings ok. Stop thinking and whining about being alone and not having anyone but then do you realise what have you been doing? Is it our fault that we have someone to love, and you don't? Or have you been being choosy and fickle minded? What is it that you really want in a guy? Are you stereotyping guys? Why don't you think back and realise your mistake before you keep whining and blaming everything on fate. I have learn that love comes when you are sincere and when you less expect it. When you don't even intend to make it happen or force it or prevent it or make it, love comes by itself.

It is a matter of time you will know yourself and learn what is it that you want and improve yourself. I still need time, I hope it will be forever with you Fad... Luv U

P.S I have never forget my friends & I try my best to spend time with you guys, unless you guys are the ones who don't appreciate me. (-_-)

Busy Busy Busy....

2005-10-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

In the morning, wake up, go toilet and take a shower, go to work, sometimes get scream at by customer, then go home at 5pm during this fasting mth, get home and pray. On weekends spend time with family and Fad. Totally forgotten that I have a blog. Hmm maybe I should type a situation at the end and find out what U guys will do in that kind of situation, I will then post on the next blog about what I feel. But then wonder who will reply to this thingy. HahaA~ I will start off with a bit of story and the situation will be at the end of the story. Here goes..

Jane love to make friends with everyone, well not everyone, she only choose those that have the looks. Those that are slim, pretty, handsome, muscular, cool etc. She is a centre of attraction and also critism. She have all the beauty and glamour unlike you. Everytime when you pass her, you can hear giggling coming from her friends and her. She demolarise your entire life in school, and make fun of you. Worse come to worse, she even snatched your boyfriend from you. You endured the pain that she brings to you everyday.

One day, you saw her alone crossing the road towards you, she is smiling to you, all of a sudden you turned and saw a bus coming towards her....

1) Do you just leave her to die?
2) Do you run to her and pull her away?

State the reason as to why you think so after choosing any of the 2 options. I will post another entry as to what I think. A few more questions for you guys to think and ponder...

1) Are you the victim of these kind of gals, or
2) Are you these kind of gals?

Sorry boys, I will post another entry next time regarding guys-kind-of-situation ok...

Please post a comment for your answers, thankz!

New Found Friends

2005-08-23T22:58:00.000-07:00

Let me introduce you to my new found friends in Starhub CIS Corp Team...

The left is Cheryl Chen aka Fish. The right is Joanne Quek aka Duck.

Here is another pic of them slacking in roadshow, oppsss....

This is our pic together, I was kind of slow to get into the pic, as usual.

I have lots of nicknames now but the one that stay is especially turtle which is named by my dear friend Hanisah, kawabanga! It is ok, as I love 'The Ninja Turtle' anyway. Cheryl and Joanne call me penguin now but the turtle phase is still there. Hahaha... I have another friend, Eddery aka Elderly, that I haven't feature yet in this wonderful graveyard of mine(blog) because I didn't take his pic yet. We are a crazy bunch and calling customer everyday, makes us even more crazy. If you guys want to know, Eddery got his nick Elderly from this cust that fax over his application and wrote an 'Attn:Elderly' at the top of the page. HHaAhha! Haiz so many weird/funny stories that I have encountered working there. Painful moments and funny till you want to roll on the ground moments. Moments and cursings of difficult customers were shared, even personal/family encounters were shared, these are the things that encouraged me to wake up every morning to get to work so that I can spend my time with them. And of course, I feel sastified when I have helped and provide a great service to my customer's applications. I love it when a cust call/email me back just to say 'thank you' for my service. That make me more encouraged to endure the pain that some customers bring to us. Remember people out there, GOOD customers will get GOOD service... If you guys want to know about all the funny stories I have experienced working there, just contact me ok... hAHaa~~

Concert Rock Gerek

2005-08-07T20:27:00.000-07:00

On the 6th of August, I and fad went to Concert Rock Gerek. There we met his cousins at around 3 plus pm. We sat down and watch local bands from Singapore and Malaysia performed, only after 7 plus pm that Yakamashii, Metalasia, XPDC, Yantzen, Amuk and Wings in sequence, came onto stage. It was a sweaty event with lotsa headbanging and ear drumming. Old Skool Metal songs from Iron Maiden and Rusty Blade were sung. Eventhough my feet was in pain, perspiring like as if it is running water from a broken tap, I stand throughtout from 7 plus till 11 plus pm. My feet was killing me, it has been quite some time that I don't wear that boot. I know I shocked a few people there with my contradicting self, but I can't help it, this is me. Even my parents don't object to it, so why should I bother what people think. This is me, this is what I like. Rock Never DIE!!!

Yamakashii

Metalasia

Fad

XPDC

Yantzen

Amuk

Wings (AWIE)

Wings (Joe & Eddie)

My first flower...

2005-08-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

Gloxinia, a flower that cannot be put under the bright sunlight but only need moderate amount of water and sunlight, just the perfect flower for my room. Pouring of water onto the leaves or flower may results in the occurance of aphids. Hmmm... I just realise something, it is a purrrfect picture for my blog. With its velvet-like petals and leaves, it blooms in the morning under the faint ray of light. Now I just got to find it a specific liquid fetiliser for its flowers and leaves to grow healthy. Gloxinia, my first flower from the guy who really loves me for who I am and never fails to impress me. Thanks sayang for the flower and the tickets for concert 'Rock Gerek', we will have fun at concert later. Anyway people out there, check out the blog that discriminates Muslims/Malays, the link is in Fadly's blog, it is so pathetic and full of shallowness. It shows how stupid the person is, he just making himself look dumb. STOP RACISM!!!

In relation to previous post and the job which loves telephone

2005-07-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

On saturday morning, 9th July 2005, it was the most amazing day of my life as i pursue the love of my life, realising my every mistakes along the way. The night before was a disaster, somehow part of me say nothing bad will happen but I know I have to do something on that saturday morning, it needs attention and understanding to feel what I feel that day, because I wasn't desperate but I can't let go something that have totally change my life and going to be my future. I guess thats me, I wouldn't give up things easily, I believe that every bad and good things that happen to me, there is a reason. After sending him to work, I met Nazreen and Faz at Causeway Point to talk about the problems and feelings I face, I know my mistakes, I know his mistakes, But I know we are meant for each other. Today I got a job, a temp job with Starhub as a Telesales. Hmm at least I can leave Harvey Norman thats for sure... hehe... Going training later at 6.30pm but then have to leave earlier to sign my contract with Recruit Express. Sigh~ Busy day today. Wish me luck!

Broke Down

2005-07-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

Suddenly a disappearance after the test. Before entered, messages were exchanged. A promise was to call when get back home, claim to miss the lurve. Probably sleeping after a long day of study, call to make sure. Heart dampened when mum say not home, it is already 9pm... At 10pm mum say the same things. Heart sank, disappointed, especially in oneself not the other. How does oneself lurve the other so much but not lurved? Break down in tears, so far yet now so much further. Don't know what else to do. Cry. So sad because claim to miss the lurve but out with or no where I know, breaking the promise earlier. I just broke down. Tears flow for the lurve misses the other, not caring for oneself anymore. Oneself should go... But oneself can't live without the other. ;(

Misunderstandings

2005-06-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

As a Muslim I am here to make the non-Muslims understand what they have misconcepted about us and dogs. I refer to this behaviours of some people in this website, http://www.pets.com.sg/forums/showthread.php?t=13780. We, Muslims, cannot touch dogs, especially their saliva, actually we may risk ourselve in touching their fur but it will be a high chance of their saliva being there too. Even scientifically proven that it contains a lot of germs. Muslims can't risk touching because we have to pray and before we pray we nd to clean some part of our body. And it is hard to get rid of this germs of the dog, even scientifically proven, so we can't touch dogs. Laws applemented by the government are for the clean environment and not mostly because of Muslims, U can see for yourself that 90% of the government are non-Muslims so why blame us? I am disappointed that among us Singaporeans, there are some worse than the Al-Kaedah, this people produce a wrong concept of Singaporeans. Anyway, didn't U see the signs at certain places, it stated there, 'pets are not allowed', not only dogs but pics of other animals too are stated, so don't give a reason to blame it on Muslims. Some of this restaurants or cafe that put the signs are not Halal, so why blame it on Muslims, because this people put it there for maintaining a clean environment? They say about taxi drivers right, almost 90% of them are Chinese, they don't allow that because they find it dirty, is it Muslim at fault? I even ever talked to a Chinese taxi driver and he said that he had to wash his whole taxi to get rid of the smell because one of his customer brought in a dog. I find dogs very cute and easy to please unlike cats but just too bad for me because I can't touch but doesn't mean i hate it. I like cats better because it is just nature for me, they are smaller and easy to maintain and carry. Muslims don't hate it, we just have to prevent ourselve from touching or getting in contact with it. Ever if there are reasons for people, not only Muslims, to kick the poor dog is when these dogs attack them, we can't hug the dog when it is running while its fangs showing because we know we will be hurt. There is this wild dog under my block, it is the first dog I am brave enough to walk so near to it. I find it pityful. The only thing I can do for it is to give a smile everytime I saw it. Everytime when I thought of giving it some food but just scared it might want to touch me to show affection or appreciation. I never saw him around here anymore, wonder where he is... So Singaporeans don't think too fast and talk without thinking, we are a multi-racial country so let's understand each other race and religion. The only thing that is so not allowed to get near me, to me, especially, is cockroach!!! Yuck

Genres of music...

2005-06-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

I really love rock, metal, punk, grunge, indie and all its other sub-groups because I am just surrounded and born with the liking of it since young. As someone who loves other types of music, I do love Hindustan and arabic songs, including nasyid. I ever was about to be in nasyid when i was young but it was cancelled, can't remember why. If U guys don't know, nasyid is a type of genre of music that either explains about my religion, about being a good muslim or about peace and anything that have to do with Islam. When I was younger, I used to cry all because I don't get to watch 'Bobby' which was a famous Hindustan movie in the 70s, which is famous to most people who know today. I try get the songs from this story and put it in this blog. This influence of music is what that makes me stabilize and learn about myself better. I am a rocker at heart but beneath that hard side, there lies a softer bit side of me. People describes me as a contradicting person, I agree. So till today I know and learn that no matter how the person is, what matter is the heart, because then U will know who they really are. Can U see the connection? It doesn't matter what we do or listen or wear but its what inside our heart that matters...Think about it and stop judging each other or even criticising...

This post is especially dedicated for Nurhaizum..

2005-06-05T11:24:00.000-07:00

I am proud to say my dear bestfriend is a policewoman... Really miss u. In dedication of this blog, I pray that U will be what U want and we will always be frens no matter what. Please take care k... Maybe with the millions of ppl reading this blog(like real~ ppl come n c my blog rite), my prays will be answered... ;)

Bare with me!

2005-06-04T02:22:00.000-07:00

I am just adding this post so that my things in the blog can be seen clearly...Yey!!!!! Hope i get it right dis time....1 2 3!!!

Last Day of my SCV

2005-06-04T02:12:00.000-07:00

I have already given back the SCV box at Tampines Mall Starhub. This is the end of my MTV life... Arrghh!!! I am so going to get a tuner card for my PC. My new blog is super black, maybe its time to step it low...Hahaha I am so tired of changing things into this blog... Haiz and my ass hurts alot from sitting on this chair, maybe need to put cushion. K I am talking crap... I better stop now...HEheheheE

Is it cursed?

2005-06-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

Are U ready for the second part of the story for the continuation of the previous post? Are U sure U can handle this? U better hold your breath now... Because I am going to start my story. Before this little boy's family moved in, an old couple move in. After a while there is an Indonesian maid living with them then changed to a Philiphino maid. Anyway, when they moved in, they are so lovely and friendly. The old man spoke to my dad and he sound like a very educated man. His wife however is a very sick lady, she can't really speak nor U get to see her outside, so that is why a maid takes care of her. What happen was we realise that this old man is like a pervert and we tend to get away from him. Over the days he become terribly SUPER senile and start cursing to us both in dialects and English. My dad told us to don't bother about him. It is so scary U know, when U get home from school and he would suddenly scream at U and talk nonsense. I used to dread the days when I need to get into the house when I am back from anywhere. Sometimes he even throw things from his corridor window to the floor in of our front house. My sis sometimes even cursed him back, he was so irritating. He would always compete for space in front of our house eventhough its like beyond his area. There was one day that I was left alone at home, I heard people screaming and cursing, it didn't sound like that old man, because after a while I heard that old man's voice. He sound scared, that's weird. Told about it to my mum when they were back and few weeks later we found out that it was my opp neighbour's bro that came to scold him off. Well, he never stop there, he was still the senile we knew, never changed. We were patient enough, after that a few days things grew quiet, he passed away, in that house. Do U find it weird that this old couple have a son but he never took care of them? Probably the son knows how hard it is. The terribly sick wife didn't die, but he died first. The wife and maid moved out, so this couple take over. Before that alot of other people want that flat but the next moment they will turn it down when they know someone died there. Except for this couple though, because they are modern I realised. At first it was peaceful then bad things happen, weird right. Before this old couple, was another couple, a white man and a malay girl, we assumed that they are married. They were friendly too but then do not know them that well because when we moved next to them, the next month they moved too. They don't really tell us, they just smile when they leave. So I can't really judge them... I just hope the little boy is going to be alright. I think he is in great pain. One similarity about this little boy's family and the old couple is that, sometimes when we pass their house to get to our house, they will bang the door... Sometimes I scared that this might lead to murder in their family, everytime they fight, its like they want to kill each other. Scary...

Neighbour next door...

2005-05-31T22:21:00.000-07:00

Quite worried for the little boy who live next door. He is around, maybe 2-3 years old, his parents are still young, maybe around late 20's or early 30's. At first when they move in, their presence were very friendly and peaceful. But after quite a while, dreadful events of shouting and fighting occur in their house. Sometimes U can hear them screaming to each other in dialects while the little boy would cry. We thought we were the only ones realising the noise but actually the whole neighbourhood behind our block can hear it. Some of them would look up to know what was the commotion about, while some will come up to their window thinking that it was from our house. There was once that someone even call the police because it sound so horrible, she even threw a shoe out of the window, there was once traces of blood outside their house. How can the little boy handle all this? He might be having a trauma. I think that they might think it was us who call the police since we just live next door to them. Who wouldn't call the police right? We are just so scared that something might happen, and wouldn't want to regret it. But it wasn't us who called, maybe it was the uncle living downstairs. Sometimes I really pity the boy, there was once that I was watching TV and I left my door open while waiting for Fad to come. I was the only one there outside the living room while the others were all in my room so I knew what exactly happen. The boy cry out loud outside their house, which is like 1-2m from my house, the mum however was shouting out REALLY loud in mandarin. Couldn't really figure what the HELL she was shouting about but then the more she tell him to shut up the more he cried, so the mum left him outside. Can't really explain how loud she shouted, but it was like WOAHH DAMN LOUD, the whole block can hear it and some more it was just outside my house. Pity the little boy, he doesn't really laugh that much, I know, U wouldn't at all hear him laugh. And now either the man or the woman is banging on the door, maybe it is the room door or the front one, I don't know, it is vibrating my front door so U can imagine how loud it is. Somehow everytime someone move to the next house to us, bad things happen in that house.... I'll tell u more about an old couple which move into the house next to us before this little boy's family on the next post... Keep U guys in suspense...

Particular Time of Your Life

2005-05-20T10:56:00.000-07:00

Have U ever feel unsure of something, like whether U get a good job manage to support your family? Or whether the happiness U have now will last till the end of time. Does the feeling scares U? At this part of your life U start to go back to the past and try to dig out your mistakes so that U'll be able to prevent it in the future. Well, that what happened to me. Somehow the idea of going back to the past and try to prevent it in the future seems to be bad. It makes others think wrongly about me, especially those close to my heart. Its not like I am thinking U are the same like those in the past but I am scared I might lose U because I don't want same things to happen like in the past. Then I thought if this won't work, U know like being cautious and stuff, then I just pray for the best and that things won't change between us. Even the slightest difference about someting, will already cause me to freak out. This is bad. I am like a worrier who is like a lunatic. Probably I'll end up in a mental hospital or maybe develop a brain cancer.I hope not!

What happen from 10th to 18th of May

2005-05-19T03:06:00.000-07:00

Currently if U not been a religiously reading my blog, I have this Courts Roadshow in Lot1 (CCK). I was positioned to sell Nikkoon phones, well that was what I am specialised in, phones. If U guys would have known right, I work in Harvey Norman but this is a roadshow by Courts, I am temporarily working at Lot1 to help out. People of Courts are nice and friendly, well not all. But these good ones have made me enjoy my stay there. I work like mostly 10am to 10pm but only certain days(after told by BOSS) I work for only 8 hours. There goes my dream to get a basic of $450 for this Roadshow. BUT its ok I am still sastified, seems like the manager is also sastified with me because she promise to give me a cook book of Asmah Laili. OK I know what U guys are thinking right, SITI is a MAKCIK! Like what the hell do I care, I love to cook. Anyway I and my mum love Asmah Laili's cooking, its kind of simple and weird in its own way. Really going to miss Nisya and the others. I will promise to visit U guys in Bukit Timah Courts k! This post is also a tribute to my ex-Sales Rep, Yuling, it's because of her that I took this job and get some working experience and learn to interact more with strangers and eventually learn the nature of humans. Sigh~ There are alot of experience in this world of a promoter. If U think that phones are not a popular buy, U ARE WRONG! It is one of the most popular there, even in Harvey Norman. My legs eventually adapted to this lifestyle of standing up. Hmmm 1 good point being put upon, that's good. Yesterday was the last day, when they were packing all the TVs and the laptops, I was sad all of a sudden, having to know May Su Mon from Nepal and stuff we talk about, so sad to be parting at this point of time. Life have to move on but I will treasure this dreadfull but fun experience in 'Ghost Town'(Lot1).

Still Jobless

2005-05-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

I realise that I know alot of different types of people. And I realise that I am o simple yet so slacking... Is that bad? Haiz

Birthday thingy!

2005-05-11T23:20:00.000-07:00

http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/ to anyone who want to add that birtday thingy... this is the link. Here U go Monica. Sori I can't post it in the tagboard. I am tired and exhausted with the stupid roadshow at Lot 1. It is boring and just now got a stupid customer who really make me fed up, I better not mention before I will be pissed again! Sigh~~ My body aches from standing 10am to 10pm.. I better get through this to get my $450. Damn I have been searching for jobs and still no answer. So depressing....:(

What is the meaning of repressed?

2005-05-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

Your Birthdate: February 28

Your birth on the 28th day of the month (1 energy) adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your Life Path.
The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated.
A birthday on the 28th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach.

Unlike much of the other 1 energy, this birthday is one that endow with the ability to start a job and continue on until it is finished.
You may prefer to use the broad brush, but you can handle details as well.
You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed.
You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Feel so lost and all by myself

2005-04-30T00:26:00.000-07:00

I just got back from TP to watch Fadly and the other drama crew with their malay society perform PENTAS WAYANG. U guys have done a great job. Even with all the fun, my mind was so lost and scared. My mum just told me that sis gonna give less money coz now she moving house. I am gonna take care of my parents now but I feel so depressed with the jobs out there left for me. I feel so unwanted and useless. Scared too with the future I have to face, I am responsible for my parents now, I feel so useless when I don't have a permanent job. I even don't go out( after a long time, today I go out) because i hate asking them for money( my fare, ez-link). When I go work, I don't even have money, I hate when I have to take my mum's money. I have money just nice for me to eat during work. Sometimes I would eat alone( make up an excuse to not go with my colleague) and buy a $1.05 choc with a drink ard $1 and sit to eat at 4th storey. Even the drama Fad have to pay for me. I feel so bad and miserable. Badly need a permanent job. Feel so lonely nowadays. Eventhough Fad is there, it feels sometime that his not there. He so far yet so much further now, I don't know what have I done to him that sometimes he be harsh to me. I am sorry if I hurt U in anyway Fad, I am really sorry. Whenever U put the phone down on me, my heart just sank deeper. I feel like I am drowning, calling U to help me out but U were not listening, leaving me to drown. Don't make me drown Fad. Stop putting down the phone on me, it hurts. Sorry I never tell U about what have happen in my house, I don't want to burden U more with my feelings, U were busy with drama, U'll be more stress. Please know thatI love U always. Please understand me

A whole lots of THANKS

2005-04-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

First of all I would like to thank my dearest couz, KODA, who have turned 21 on 26th of April because she help me in putting dis songs up in my blog. Secondly, I would really want to thank SAZALI MASRAJI for coming into my life and coming out of it, thanks for leaving me. If it was't for U, I would not have met Fadly. Anybody knows him, please tell him I say thanks! Hey I am not being sarcastic k, Sazali. Anyway, I did know a lot of guys after U, Sazali, a lot that I can't remember most of them. I learn the meaning of friendship and keikhlasan hati by knowing this guys. These guys are scumbags, guys-who-go-for-looks, perverts, heartbreakers, liars, etc. But there is only a few that are still my friends till now, they are, Zahfran, Khair, Affiq and Shaifulnizam. I will like to thank them for being great friends and being fair to me, eventhough I am a girl. And how can I miss out Sunil, Reky, Michelle, Sasi and Ling Zhe? They were there when things get tough in school. Thanks guys! Sunil tat was such a funny testi U given me, I really appreciate it k. I will write to ya when I have plan what to write. People like Sharmila are precious friends, never make use of her please, she is there whenever U need her. Sue and Vic, U guys are so far away that I miss your laughter and hugs, U guys make me feel better everytime. Thanks. My secondary school mates in NPCC and ppl like Verinder, Nisah, Kristin, Richelle, Chewling, Poh Ling, Stevie, Novita, Feza and Diyana and many2 more. U guys shape my life into what I am today, I learn alot in sec school. My best friend, Fadzlina, eventhough U hurt me alot, I am still here for U k, please don't take me for granted, but then no matter how hard the situation is, U never have give up on our friendship, I appreciate that, U are not so ego if U think about it, U stop and think I try to change. Thanks for making me part of your life and a motivation for U to change. Along the way I have work in alot of places like JTC, PizzaHut and now Harvey Norman, thanks to U guys too ya! Thanks fadly, for loving me in all the way U can. U have change me into something that I never thought I can. U complete me. Eventhough we fight, part of me I know, U'll never give up. I have never love any guy like the way U do. Funny thing is, U are what I want in a guy, a childhood dream. A guy who cries for my happiness, a guy who take really good care of me with endless love, who knows and understand my physcho side. Thanks fad, I love U. My ever greatest Thanks will have to go to my God, Allah. He make me into what I am and has been guiding me through this endless struggle and taught me how to live. He never given up on me, the way I never given up on myself, He taught me how to. Because of Him, I have met this ppl I have mention earlier. Aku bersyukur bahawa segala yang berlaku, ada hikmah nye. Aku bersyukur, aku adalah aku.

*Don't ever judge a person by what she wear, a tudung is not to hide a sin but to realise our sins and try to change for the better. Don't ever think all that wear have a good heart, don't ever think that those don't wear have a bad heart. Same to say, not all wearing tudungs have a bad heart and not all not wearing tudungs have a good heart. Search yourself and your heart will tell your soul.

My exam results...

2005-04-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

MODULE
CREDITUNIT
GRADE
ATTEMPT
REMARKS
ADVANCES IN GENOMICS
1.00
C

BIOINFORMATICS
1.50
D+

CURRENT GOOD MANUFACTURING PRACTICES
1.75
B+

DRUG DISCOVERY & DEVELOPMENT
1.75
C+

INDUSTRIAL ATTACHMENT
15.00
A+

INTEGRATED LABORATORY 1
2.00
C

LIFE SCIENCE SEMINAR SERIES
1.50
C

PROJECT PART 2
8.00
B+
I pass all yey!

Which Rock Chick am I?

2005-04-20T14:51:00.000-07:00

Which Rock Chick Are You?

Why must be racist?

2005-04-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

I don't get it still, why does this certain ppl want workers to speak mandarin when the country itself don't speak Chinese always. Called this clinic that needed clinic asst. but then when i say i want to enquire about the job, she was like, "Are U a Chinese?", then I say, "No.", then she say, "Sorry, the doctor prefer Chinese." And when she say that, she was being so arrogant and all. Is it the doctor or her who prefer Chinese? Why is it so unfair for us non-Chinese or non-Chinese speaking community have to suffer? Anyway, this country's national laguage is not Mandarin, its English. Stop making Mandarin Speaking Campaign when English itself is a national language, we still got to improve on that. I am not a racist but I am a victim of it. They say opening a casino is for creating jobs for the umemployed but do they think about we, Malay Muslims, who don't get the advantage, it is unfair enough that they want Chinese speaking or Chinese ppl to work, but then how about us? At least be reasonable if when U need a Chinese speaking or Chinese workers not like it's when U don't have a Chinese or Chinese speaking lady as a worker already. And Singapore is stressing about not being racial prejudice, and being equality and have Racial Harmony day? What is the point of all that if things like this is so unfair? Might as well put all Mother Tounge languages as Mandarin then, rite? Why do Singapore have to waste all that money to built 2 casinos when the tsunamis victims are still in need and some students(esp the non-Chinese) have financial problems? Actually if U really want a casino, it is okay to have 1 and only in Sentosa, but then now there is 2. There goes the lower crime rates. More loansharks will earn but then peace will slowly decrease. U will see more writings or vandalism on the walls or door, more stabbing or God knows, murder. This is all because of money. Why can't they use it for ALL the PEOPLE OF SINGAPORE benefit or something? Like produce more research labs to cure for AIDS or other diseases(Please think of SINAPOREANS and not mostly foreign talent), more schools for children to study and etc. Anyway the rules of us Diploma holders already in a certain course is not even able to get into NTU or NUS of related courses, why?, because they let the "clever" ones get into it. Isnt it a waste when that "clever " one can't cope that course and drop halfway because they don't have a basic foundation? Isn't it wasted that a person already possessing the basics of the related course in NTU/NUS but have to fly overseas to get degrees/PhD because no space for them in NTU/NUS? So Singapore talents most go to other countries becoming foreign talent and here, foreigners become the foreign talent. Wazzup with all this fuss?Get the idea? We need more Universities for us(SINGAPOREANS) to get a good job, not casinos!!! And stop acting as though there is no racial prejudice happening in Singapore. Sigh~ Sometimes it is sad that when U open the RECRUIT pg in Straits Times, U can't have a single job all because U can't speak Mandarin, and worse being said to the face that they prefer Chinese. Which doctor on earth don't know how to speak English? They are like Phd rite? Then how do they talk to their non-Chinese patients? Isn't this racist? What did we do to deserve this? (-.-)

No one really cares for me anymore

2005-04-16T00:33:00.000-07:00

Do U have that moments when U think no one really bother about your existence in this world? U have no one to care for U in this world? U are not in others mind at all. U are just a spirit invisible in the eyes of ppl. Have U ever feel sad that U keep crying and tears won't stop flowing? Have U ever ask yourself, why ppl take U for granted. Do U have ppl who make use of U for their own benefits and later on ditch U and God knows, bitch about U? Are U one of them who make use of ppl? Well U SUCKS!!! U can go and die and get away from the planet Earth. U just hurt ppl like me who trying to be nice to everyone. U are hurting me and my friends who are your targets on. If you hurt me its quite ok but don't hurt my friends too, it hurts me more. Who are U really think U are huh? U think U are so great? Wait till its YOUR TURN! U'll see. Why do U have to make use of me and hurt me this way? No matter what I do and try to make U realised, U won't see and U just hurt me like this... I mean I can stand the pain and air u give me to make me cry and be low about myself but do U not see what I am trying to point at? Do U even realise why I am drifting from U? Do U have hurt me like this? AM I sensitive? Yes I AM but then U hurt me too far, I don't know what else to do. I just get away and far far away from everyone. Ppl who knows this position, they deny so and act as though they know none of this. U know what!!! GET BACK TO REALITY... This is life, U keep quiet about this, U are just one of this scumbags who make use of others for their own free will. I hate U suckerz!!! Stop patronizing the fragile ones, U BIATCH! This goes to those guys too. U know, guys are well-equipped too with this qualities, trust me. U know what guys, U ARE A BIATCH TOO!!! SUCKERZ.... *Bleukz* *Pooiiii*

'Sporting Parents'

2005-04-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

My mum and dad brought me and Fad yesterday to JB. It was fun.Fad bought 6 vcds, The Cursed, The Eye 10, White Noise, Samara, Spanglish and Be Cool. We had a good laugh in the car, fad with his crazy antics and singing oldies songs. I really envy him, he can like talk to my dad and share about old songs, joke with one another. I just hope that won't died out. Does it mean that my parents are a bit piase(is dat how u spell it?), they can't be understanding? Does it mean that my mum wear 'tudung' like me that she can't be open and share things with me? Does it mean that my parents are like this that they are 'sporting'? Define 'sporting'! Anyway I brought Hanisah and Sharmila to day to Analakshmi to treat them, so called celebrating Nisah birthday and to treat Sharm who has been so nice to me. Bought this simple bracelet for Nisah, which to me looks cool, not too rugged and not to simple. We had like 2 meals there, we love their vadai and mango lassi( is dat how u spell it?). Me and Nisah went home taking 961 and we talk about all the things that we have missed out all this years. I STILL DON'T BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE NOT CLOSE NISAH. I am still bothered by that. It is weird that I feel sad for them. Although I am not in the group, it is very sad. All because of a guy this have to happen.

Kampong CDC

2005-04-02T15:39:00.000-08:00

CDC- Communicable Disease Centre is a part of Tan Tock Seng hospital. I thought the place will be high class but then it was more like a chalet-like kind of kampong. My auntie was diagnosed with Dengue fever, so she was sent to CDC. She look better now. Anyway the place look so old that its canteen onli consists of 2 vending machines with 1 bench at an open space area. I should have taken a pic there. Damn! We went to Al Ameen after that. I still feel full now. Finish my exams yesterday so I am left with an external presentation. Didn't get to went out with my friends yesterday coz they are going out at night. Today they are going to watch movie and eat at Marche. I dunno when I will get to eat there. Sob sob... Here are some photos I took when we went to Al Ameen and after Al Ameen...

My mum giving me the face at Al Ameen...HAaha~

My crazy sister who thinks she is in Paris (actually we are in the car!)

My dad after eating at Al Ameen at home on the couch. HAhaha~~

I think I know where I stand now

2005-03-31T12:29:00.000-08:00

Hmmm.... You know sometimes no matter what you do to help and please others, you are just still being ignored and sometimes be the joke of the conversation or God knows a gossip title of a conversation. I feel that now. No matter what I do, seems nothing to them. Probably I should just disappear into thin air from this world, never will hear never will see anymore, I am not important anyway. That trust is not there anymore and people won't hear my reasoning and my cries. If it is easy to just disappear then I think i will, slowly so no one will realise. When it comes to me, people just glance away but when it comes to other, I won't, I can't stop that worry held inside this aching heart. Been there, done that, nothing is worthwhile to others. It make no sense to anymore, just feel like running away as far and as fast I could from everyone. It is the presence of Fad that I won't do that, I don't want to lose him. Sad to know my deeds and my cries and my presence meant nothing to certain people. People say that the people who U are so nice to are actually those that don't erally care for U. I try to be fair to evryone unless I really know they hate me, I'll stand away, far far away, unless my help needed, I'll be there. I feel like an invisible wall penetrated with pain, used and worn out but still strong, full of vandalism and critism, God knows valgue words scribbled on me. I shall go far far away....

Service Pack 2? More like Service needed.

2005-03-30T17:01:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 11am to find that I can't log into the net. Something was wrong with the LAN connection. Called Singtel to know why is the my winpoet log-in software having error, but they then told me about Service Pack 2 and their criteria might be diff for my network card. So they pass me a Microsoft number in Malaysia(toll-free!), there I was helped by Kevin D'Cruz. He is a genius but then also quite a cheater, but he did solve my problem alright. He just told me to uncheck the 'notify if low or no connectivity' box. So it seems alright now. Thank God I have his email. But he was a saviour at that point of time, funny guy too if I might add. I realised this people who do customer service have a nice tone and voice. Patience and understandable English is important too. Man, I owe that guy a lot, if U are out there looking at my blog(if he does blog hopping), THANKS!!!!

Library and TP and Queensways trip before friday's Genomics exams...

2005-03-30T02:13:00.000-08:00

I went to woodlands library today to study, managed to finish 1 topic of Genomics, while waiting to pass Sunil the XP cd. Then I feel bored all of a sudden, I decided to help Fad in his report coz he woke up late. I went all the way to Tampines, meet him at the interchange and went to TP's library. Finish up his report we then went to another block to print out the report. We then went to Queensway to do hard cover binding and ring binding of the 2 copies. It was then already 8++pm, we were desperately finding the bus stop to take 961 to Woodlands. We even ask some malay guy for directions (oklah u know dat it is not me, it was Fad). We manage to then find the bus stop at 8:40pm then got on the bus at 8:50pm. When we reached Woodlands we were so hungry that we ate at KFC. I went home by myself while Fad took 168 home. Haiz poor Fad never slept for whole day yesterday. I think the results will be worthwhile. Not only Fad work hard for it but ME too. Anyway let me introduce U to this cool cup (that looks like a ppr cone) that is used in STARHUB shop for drinking. I took this after Sunil, reky, Michelle, Sasi and me finished watching 'HITCH'... I know I am a bit outdated, what do U expect from a makcik like me? Maybe should install this device at home.

Just by helping and accepting a friend as the way they are...

2005-03-28T13:04:00.000-08:00

Jack is the normal type of guy in school, he is not so popular yet not so nerdy. He have tons of friends like those from the popular side of school. Well one day he bump into a guy, John, he was carrying a lot of books with him. Jack know that he have just entered the school but find it weird that he is carrying back all the books back home. John have been bullied by bullies in school and been make fun of. Jack heard from others that he live only with his mum and his dad left them. Just in front of his eyes, John was pushed by some guys and fell, he was laughed at. Jack went over and help him carry his book and held him up. Jack said, "hey are u ok? Don't worry those guys are just bunch of hooligans!" and John replied, "thanks." Jack offered to walk him home so that no one will bully him along the way. Jack teach him how to defend himself too. Along the way, Jack asked him to come by and play soccer with him tomorrow. John soon learn how to get along and they were very good friends. At graduation day, John was assigned to give some speech as he was also one of the most clever student around. He began telling stories of how he started out school, all the bad situations that he have to went through. Actually on the day that he went home with all the books from the locker, he wanted to commit suicide so he figured that he will bring all the books first so that his mum will not need to come back and clear it for him. But along the way Jack come into his life and befriended him, he realised his mistake and wanted to live on and knowing plus learning with Jack. Jack upon hearing was shocked and was glad too that he saved his friend. Everyone there learned something, no matter how small a giving is, it really matters. Even a smile brightens someone day. We don't realise how strong a giving is, it can even save someones life. This is the story that make me not to give up, I hope it will to U too. With the faith I have in my God, I hope he pull me through to do this and also to give the message out. Coz U never know U are saving a life.

Kind of disappointed

2005-03-28T12:43:00.000-08:00

Been going through all this advising thing past few days and I can't find myself an answer to everything but only direct the way to the right path. I only want love but not hate, maybe I am forcing myself too much to make them realise the sadness in this world and try to change it. Have U watch paying it forward? Do something diff and try to change the world coz when these things add up, maybe we will make it a better world, God knows we are actually preventing a war. Hmmm maybe some ppl would not understnad the pain I am feeling, I cry coz I am so affected by every surrounding I see or feel. It doesn't matter if I don't know who are they. Some ppl think I am being ignorant but then I still pray for their happiness. I may look as though I am scared of those handicapped but I am scared the moment I touch them, both emotionally and physically. They are one of the most luckiest among all of us, but then we got to lead them so that they will be able to lead themselves slowly, indirectly touching some of us and making us realise how fragile life is. They don't need to touch U to value life but just need to look into your eyes and U can feel the endurance they have and how special they are. On my next entry I shall tell U a story that make me not to give up on this advising thing and to pay it forward. I just feel disappointed coz no matter what I say or do, ppl don't realise the importance or my feelings. Perhaps no one would understand, and I am not thinking too much, this is me, I want to change the world.

Fadly

2005-03-24T02:27:00.000-08:00

Let me introduce u to a guy who save me from drowning. Drown by hurt and pain. He was the one who love for who I am and see what other losers don't. Eventhough it has already been like 1 year and 3 mths, I can still cry for him coz I luv him too much... The song that really make me cry and think about him is 'Mungkin Nanti' by Peterpan, an indonesian band. He deserve a hug and luv all his life by a person like me. Do you noe my stupid logbook only reach to 200++... I don't know what else to add. I giv up! I really need to change my blog layout soon. It sux.... That stupid doodleboard of mine is wanting money now.What the... Nevermine I wil find other alternatives.

Depression state?

2005-03-11T13:32:00.000-08:00

Is it really worth it to be depress of such a thing and die of heart failure? I don't know whether it really will happen but thats what Sunil said. Guess I will have to suffer alone.

The End

2005-03-11T12:10:00.000-08:00

I have done all my best to find out why thigs are going wrong but I gotten no reply and just get ignored to. I think its all this FYP thing. Eventhough I have said that I am sorry but I was still ignored. Even I plea to just be honest with me but I was still ignored. I really don't know what else to do. He totally hate me I think. I don't know whether he told about me to the higher authority. I don't know whether he going to ignore me till I die or what. I really did not meant to overlook the fact that I leave most things for him to do. I feel so guilty but eventhough whatever I say, it doesnt matter to him. I don't even enjoy my birthday at all. If I am not wrong, I just heard him say that he is sick of me. Heard him say that when someone ask about it. I can understand Chinese. I don't know what impression he want people to think of me. Or maybe he just hate the sight of me. I don't know.I given up hope. He don't even talk to me or tell me anything about the project. He does but it seems I can't have help. I think he hates me already. I don't know what to do.

Last friday on 25th Feb 2005

2005-03-03T12:30:00.000-08:00

I met Hanisah at City Hall last Friday because she wants to surprise me something. I thought that she just wanted to give me a birthday present but actually it was because of the Botero art gallery situated near Hotel Royal Limited. Followed my cousin before meeting Hanisah to go for an interview at the hotel. Limited indeed! The art gallery was superb and I have never been proud about being fat before in my whole life. Everything over there was fat, even the pear...Heheh...Take a look at the picture I have taken from the net. I didn't manage to take the pictures there. My favourite is the girl looking into the mirror, naked.

The trip yesterday till the conclusion of my cells

2005-02-18T15:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Rekha, Sunil, Sasi and I went to Annalakshmi at Excelsior Hotel... We ate Sambar Vadai, Thairu Vadai, Poori and potato, Garlic Naan, Cheese Naan, Paneer, Gobi Manchurian and I drank...(drum rolls)... Choc milk shake!!!! Got buble(pronounce as Boob-Bleh)...Hehehe and today all of us are thinking about the next trip. Sasi, Sunil and Rekha never eat till now because they are thinking about it I guess. Haha.. Just now I ate Nasi goreng and harden begedil...Damn!! I am so not going to buy that begedil again... Sasi was watching me eat and Sunil came to just say a few words then we went off to computer lab then just say a words to Michelle, Rekha and Ling Zhe then all of us went to cGMP lab. Rekha did a RODAC test on my tudung so we will see a result next week if my tudung have a lot of microorganism growing on it. I can bet U there is... O ya how can I forget the most funniest thing that happen yesterday was when someone smelly sat beside Sunil. The restaurant was grand and we can pay anything we like because it is a donation kind of thing for Temple of fine arts. Anyway this hotel is near Peninsular Plaza. TRY IT!!

P.S. If your butt is aching of sitting too long in the bus, try flexing and deflexing it, it works.

Emergency

2005-02-09T15:06:00.000-08:00

fad is in hospital and I am tied down with a lot of reports and projecs.I am very tired and sad too. Hmmm I realli miss him. Later I am going again after I have finish this report. They suspected that it is dengue fever or malaria. Mosquito must have bite him. He was sick since last Friday. I hope he is better today.A lot of stuffs are in my head nowadays and I want to get through it as soon as possible.

I miss GIS

2005-02-04T11:03:00.000-08:00

It is such a frustrating time in school with alot of projects to do and alot of reports to hand in, in such a short time. I never even got the time to update my pinky blog...I wonder how is Zhao Qing...And my beloved friends in GIS such as Vic, Su and Shuyu and how can I forget Su Ee.... Haiz wonder what they're doing now... Promise myself that i am going to concentrate well in class but scared I will not. PLUS I miss GIS facilities.. I will not be able to buy from the vending machine anymore and buy that 20 cents tapioca thingy... DAMN!

P.S.
Valentine's Day cuming!!! I mean coming.

So much further now

2005-01-27T15:40:00.000-08:00

My call seem to be a nuisance, my sms seems to be a pain. My tears and plea seems to be a waste. Is it because I am feeling low? Is it because I am disappearng out of your heart? Is it because U are sick of me? Is it because there is another 1 in your heart? Or is it U starting to hate me? Everytime U put the phone down on me without saying goodbye and with a sense of anger, I feel the love fading away. Everytime U spend time with your friends, I feel U tend to change your attention and care. Is it me who is feeling low or is it U are already sick of me? I feel the more U ignore me, the further we are from each other. I feel unlove and "uncare"(if there is such a word). Today I come to work in silence and with a sad heart. All the "sorries"( if there is again another type of word) U have said I accept and I trust that sorry. Do U really mean it? I am scared of losing U because I know that no other guy can love like U do but so far I see, your love for me is dying. I hope all these are hallucinations and nitemare. I do not want to hold U down like a prisoner in my heart, if U do want to fly, I let it be. That way I will know if U really love me. Sometimes I cut myself to see how much it bleeds and I know that the pain is nothing compared to this aching heart. All I want in a guy is for him to love me, cherish me, do not take me for granted, care for me, do not forget me, sincerity and honesty, do not leave me alone when I really need him and really, really, really, really love me. That is all I ask for from U. All others and feeling of goodness will come by itself from that love that u planted in yourself. Love brings U feelings like U have never feel before and do so much goodness that U be so fascinated to embrace it and never let it go no matter what. I hope U do love me this way because that is how much I love u...(-_-) My eyes both now are red. There is a yellow liquid coming at the side of my eyes. When I woke up I need to force open my eyes as all of it has solidify, its not eye shit ok but I think its the yellow liquid that the irritation makes.

I don't know who cares...

2005-01-25T10:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder wether people close to me and those used to be close to me and everyone around me ever think or say things about me. Wonder if they think that I am a good friend or a bad one. I know that it is bad to think what other people thinks about U but I can't help it. I am not like suppose to believe in horoscopes but PISCES are sensitive and easily wounded. Now I am back to wearing my cool nerd specs beause the other day I got an eye infection. Sometimes I wonder if my friends ever know that I am busy with the work and school I have. My time are mostly for work and school and of course for Fadly. I really can't be far from Fad. Sometimes I tend to get further away from my friends, esp close ones, because I think that I am not needed or special to them anymore or because they have new friends. That is 1 of the reasons why I can't be far from Fad, he is there for me as a friend and listens to my heart aches. Do not know why I will feel easily low and sad, I know its bad but I can't help it. My heart is very fragile and weak but I know that within all that when I am trying to reach out to someone in help, all of a sudden I have this strength and motivation to live. I'll suddenly will feel happy about what I have done for anyone around me, even after giving a smile to a stranger. Most of the time I feel invisible to people around me. Is it wrong to be humble? Maybe I am being too paranoid about this. Even things that happen to others around me that are miles away affect me so deeply. I can cry all because of that and feel miserable. Whenever I feel sad outside, I will feel like going home and cry in my room. Sometimes even go out alone makes me feels better. Alot of things are in my mine now, money to buy a new computer, taking care of my parents when sis got their house, wonder if Fad going to be my husband (feeling scared things go wrong), feeling low (sometimes I think everyone do not care esp those close), studies(esp) and others feeling pain. To think about it I need to send my abstract of proj poster now. So I guess the only way for me to cover that sadness to fill my time. I hope I answer enyones questions why sometimes I am like this and that... (-_-)

Sweets keep me strong and 'healthy'

2005-01-24T17:06:00.000-08:00

Somebody say I and Shuyu are unhealthy people all because we are eating cup noodles most of the time in GIS... I am here to say that they are no such healthy people at all!!! They think we always eat from the vending machines, well, they are wrong k!!! We always 'da bao' from SOULFOOD and 7-Eleven food to eat at the 2nd level. AAArrrggghhh!!! We are going to continue on eating there no matter wat. Doesn't mean we attachment students they can say stuffs about us. I am going to set out a plan to get my revenge on this people, especially that idiot girl who say, "Very unhealthy, lor!". She gonna get it I tell ya... WHAHHahahah!!!

Try this...

2005-01-17T16:52:00.000-08:00

Hmmm FAd can U try this too...HEhehe...Do U guys think that I am like what is stated here?Type me a message in the tagboard okay...

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy.
While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit.You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice.
Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Yesterday was busy,today it seems dull...

2005-01-14T10:48:00.000-08:00

I am having fever, flu, sore throat and headache since 2 days ago. Now I am still at work doing my experiments. Sue say that we are dedicated to Science thats why we come eventhough we are sick. Fad slept the whole day yesterday eventhough he told me he going to call back after he eats his dinner. But I can understand that he was tired bedcause he did not have enough sleep since 2 days ago. But I don't understand why he is not replying to me since this morning, I call him but he off his hp. Sigh~ I don't know what to do. I am sick and I am sad that he is not there when I really need him. I told him not to come and meet me so he can study for his term test, but then a reply or a call is hard for him. I feel horrible. Nevermine then maybe he needs the rest from me. Sigh~

The song of the day

2005-01-12T12:04:00.000-08:00

This is all my cousin's fault, go listen to this song then U'll know what I mean...

Bryan Adams When You Love Someone
When you love someone - you'll do anything
you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
when you love someone
you'll deny the truth - believe a lie
there'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly
but your lonely nights - have just begun
when you love someone
when you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
and nothin else can ever change your mind
when you want someone - when you need someone
when you need someone...
when you love someone - you'll sacrifice
you'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice
you'd risk it all - no matter what my come
when you love someone
you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
when you love someone

Headaches killing me!!

2005-01-11T17:19:00.001-08:00

Damn, my head hurts since yesterday. My head feels hot now and I am sure that I am going to get sick soon. I am prepared for that. Watch 'Helter Skelter' yesterday nite... It was super gruesome with the way they kill their victims. The look on their faces were pathetic as they don't even care about what they have done. But that story however leave me to think how short our live is and we should treasure it. Be sure of what we want in life and have a strong belief. On my second year of poly I did a presentation on serial killers and I came upon the Manson murders done by the 'Manson Family'... Now I am reading about it again to know more about it. Click on this link if U're interested.

http://www.crimelibrary.com/manson/mansonmain.htm

Lunch 'Dirty' Joke

2005-01-10T16:23:00.000-08:00

Today we talk about my Japanese tea that I bought in 7-Eleven. Somehow the topic lead to 'roots' and vagina and 'fruits' and fear factor etc etc... The tea can be used for Fear Factor I tell ya... Its like so super *Bleuk... My fren Su Ee thought that they should add the tea with mashed snails... EEEWWwww~~~ Anyway that tea contains catechin. Vic say that it has something gotta do with chlorophyll. She say, "Now U can photosynthesise!!!" and I say,"Oh no! I'll have stems...". Everybody laugh..(If U don't get it den penis=stem). I say again, "Then I'll have flowers and then fruits den I'll disperse all my seeds to others." den Vic say, "Everyone will be infected and thats why its $2!" Oh ya she say I will grow more roots down there so i will cling to something if it comes near.... Hmm maybe not funny now but DAMN it was funny then... Anyway Sue is wearing a 'Dickies' shirt and below it is a phrase saying 'durable clothes'...heheh... What a coincidence rite...K i better stop or I freak everyone out...

P.S.
Joke of the day by Vic, What do U call a penis on a head? The answer is a DICKHEAD!!hahah

Random Acts of Kindness

2005-01-10T11:42:00.000-08:00

Here I am back again to this 'Lab of Hell'...Hahha Anyway because of the great demand by Sunil, my greatest fan, here I am to write my blog (neway I dun hav net at home la U!!!So muz relek and wait for my appearance on weekdays). This song is my current fav song so ENJOY!! Shout all U want in my fantastic 'Taggy'. Anyway I am here to explain and encourage U guys to do random acts of kindness starting from today. Let's give a policeman a balloon, help an old woman to walk across the street and gives smiles to strangers or even hold a door for someone... After all that U will be happy and sastified with who U are. It doesn't kill to be nice so DO IT!!! Heck with anyone who think U are crazy to do this and JUST DO IT! Anyone heard this idea on Perfect Ten this morning will have a clear idea of what I am talking about. Everything good deeds U do it will come back to U... Believe IT and U'll believe in yourself and have faith. So U guys better start from now k...Lets keep paying it forward, coz then U will be paid. \m/ (^_^) \m/

Crazy In Love

2005-01-07T11:08:00.000-08:00

Hmm.... Juz finished doing some Yeast media and agar. I lurve doing that. Weird but I like the smell though. Met my Fad yesterday and bought him a silver bracelet... Always wanted to buy that for him but just don't get the time. At last I did yesterday. Me, Sunil, Sarah and Fad gotta go out this coming Tuesday. We gotta go out to Heeren to take pics coz the cards lovegety are like only for $5 for 2 cards. Cheap right!! Then we're gonna go Sakura to eat at Penin there. Yey!! Miss U Fad. Neway this Fad bought for me a Teddy Bear all bcoz its Monday...(-_-") Dunno what to say...Hehehe Thankz for the thought Fad.U know I like Teddies...:)

Tsunamis attack

2005-01-05T10:45:00.000-08:00

Hmm...If U guys realise, the tsunamis attack have killed thousands of people especially in Phuket, Aceh, Sri Lanka and other affected areas. Sad to know that I can't do anything about it but donate and help out.I really wanna help out but been busy with alot of stuffs like attachment, school, working at Harvey Norman and family stuffs.I think one thing that everyone should do is that if they can't really do anything then we all should at least pray for these people and realise ourselves are very fortunate and never take granted of the things that are given to us in this life.I remembered the day I gotta know about this, the whole day was so sad and dull to me.Sometimes I find that things happening around me do affect me eventhough its like so far away from me.For now lets have a minute of silent.